For His Glory...

Hello Lord...

2007-10-22T00:45:00.000-04:00

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute,
cuz Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up
I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying
but Right now, I just can't hear you.
I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up
I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but Right now,
I just can't hear you.
And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine Lord,
I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up
I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

Sara Groves

previous post...being re-posted

2007-08-26T01:55:00.000-04:00

This is a reminder to myself...and hopefully an encouragement to you!

"Whether or not a guy (person) likes you is not a measure of your worth"

This was some very encouraging advice given by an amazing brother in Christ. If my worth does not come from another person who does it come from? This is an easy head concept, but what of the heart? If you are human, you struggle with this concept! As believers we can say all day long that our worth is in Christ. However, how often does that go from our head to our heart? In my case, not often enough. Our worth comes from the Holy One. The creator of the universe!! His love for me has never been so real as I read this passage of scripture.Isaiah 43

1.But now, THUS SAYS THE LORD, your CREATOR, O Jacob, and he who formed you, O Israel. "Do not fear, for I HAVE REDEEMED YOU; I have called you BY NAME; YOU ARE MINE!"

How amazing that God takes such possession over the ones whom he has created. For those who think that God created the universe and all of creation and then just left it...this throws that idea straight out the window!! It even says "Thus says the Lord, your CREATOR"...then proceeds to say "YOU ARE MINE!!" How amazing!

2. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you."

3. "For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place.4. "Since YOU ARE PRECIOUS IN MY SIGHT, since you are HONORED and I LOVE YOU I will GIVE OTHER MEN IN YOUR PLACE AND OTHER PEOPLES IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR LIFE."

How awesome is that? God says "I love you so much that I am willing to sacrifice the lives of others in order to protect and save you."Where does my worth come from? A Holy God who would give other people in exchange for my life. He created me for his glory (v7) and I have no Savior besides Him (v 11). There was no one before him, nor will there be anyone after him. He is GOD, and there is no one who can take me away from Him. He loves me and I am His! (vs 1, 10, 12, and 13)

You are more beautiful than anyone ever.
Every day you're the same,
you never change, no never.
How could I ever deny the love of my Savior?
You are to me everything, all I need forever.
How could you be so good?
There is no one like you.
There has never, ever been anyone like you.
Everywhere You are there earth or air surrounding
I'm not alone the heavens sing along
My God You're so astounding
How could You be so good to me
Eternally I believe that
There is no one, no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You
Artist: Barlow Girl

"...Before me there was no God formed, And there will be none after me. I, even I, am the Lord,
and there is no Savior besides me...Even from eternity I AM HE.."
Isaiah 43:10-11, 13

broken hearted

2007-08-25T00:32:00.000-04:00

Its a good thing you can't do to much to break part of a heart! I am so glad that I never gave away my whole heart. However, I did give away some and got hurt. I am not sure what happened or what went wrong. I am confused by the whole situation. At any rate, the Lord is strength and in him I will wait for the day that I will be able to fully give my heart away to someone truly deserving of it. As for right now, the Lord is my portion and strength forever. In him is fulness of life, contentment, and satisfaction beyond all earthly things.

So I have been told...

2007-08-22T23:25:00.001-04:00

...that I analyze everything, and that I think way to logically all the time...is this really a bad thing? I mean I see it as thinking thru things fully and completely. I mean, I just want to make sure I am making the right decisions. I am indecisive, so it takes me a long time....anyway...all of these people were right (one in particular...[staying in the hear and now by the way...so far so good!]) I do analyze everything...maybe not analyze so much as think logically about everything and every possible way different situations could play out. Funny thing, as I was thinking about this, the plans that make sense to me at one point hardly ever work out the way I think they are going to, but I am still ok with how they work so why on earth do I still worry? Its a mystery to me. I just have to have all the answers before I can continue...if something doesn't make sense, either back up and explain or stop all together! I don't know...this could be a downfall at some point I feel it! What do you think? The frustrating thing is that I feel like most girls are similar to this, and somehow guys seems to be so...well..."go with the flow". It seems like they can just jump into something, or better, take risks easier...why is that and if anyone has any input on this that would be fabulous!

Amazing!

2007-08-14T20:53:00.000-04:00

I am so often encouraged by the classes I have here at Boyce College. I am encouraged by the Word of God, and by the many men whom God has entrusted to teach his word. Today was one of those days that I left speechless, and motivated to make something more of this so called Christian life of mine. We were talking about the many men and women who have given their lives for the sake of the cross, many dying at the hands of malicious leaders like Nero. You know Nero set Christians on fire and hung them from walls to light his runken parties!!!??? I bet he's wishin he hadn't of done that now!! Anyway, we talked about percecution and martyrdom most of the class period, and I just ldn't help to notice my Savior pulling on my heart strings, "go a little farther, trust me farther, even if it leads to death, and persecution. I love you. I died for you. I conqured death so that you could have life!" Its amazing to put all of that into perspective, and realize that you serve a living God!!! This reminds me of an amazing song that says, "I serve a risen Savior, not a peasant in a grave, and he did me a favor with my soul, he chose to save. Now I'll live forever, with Jesus I will reign, BECAUSE THE BLOOD OF THE LIVING LAMB NOW FLOWS THRU MY VIENS" I am his, and he is mine and I will reign forever with him. There is nothing in this world that can touch my soul. Someone might remove my body and think he has won, but there is neire death, nor life, nor present nor future, not depth, nor height, that can separate me from my Christ!!! I want to live that life that says hey, "do what you want with the old raggedy body of mine, but know that there is nothing you can do to separate me from Christ."

that's what I keep asking myself...

2007-08-11T19:15:00.000-04:00

I keep asking myself....when I marry I want the best of the best right? I want who the Lord wants for me, right? As I've prayed about this one or more times in my life, I find it very dear to my heart the past few days. This is not high school anymore! You don't date for the heck of it because you think the opposite sex may actually have something to offer besides cooties. We grow up and relationships develop into something that affects every aspect of your life! All of a sudden, dating has everything to do with paying bills, buying a house, kids. You wake up one morning and say to yourself, "I think I am going to go for a jog." That's a good idea. You don't wake up one morning and say to yourself, "I think I am gonna go get married. It just seems like a good idea." It just doesn't work that way! There are so many things that have to go into that. You have to develop the relationship, and in some cases there may be some baggage carried over from past relationships, not all baggage is bad, but its there.

For the Christian, extra care and caution needs to be taken. Men, rise up, take leadership. Pursue the girl, seek the Lord. Women, be the women God has created us to be! Wait for the Lord to do amazing things. Don't settle! I think it is so easy for us women to get nervous about whether or not we will ever get married, and settle for the very first guy who pays a little attention to us! This is something I struggle with as I wait patiently and seek the Lord for his wisdom and direction. While I should have been doing this already, a situation has come up where its been very important for me to say, "Lord, I need you to hold my heart in your hands. When you are ready to give my heart away, you do it not me." My heart is safe and far more protected when it is in His hands and not my own. Not gonna lie, its HARD to do this! I don't know why, when I know that God loves me, and wants what is best for me and he isn't going to put my heart in the wrong hands. If my heart ends up in the wrong hands its because I took it back at some point and put it there myself. Therefore, if it gets broken, its my fault, not his. What I have the tendancy to do, is to be too guarded and then in a second turn around and wear my heart on my sleeve. I also keep asking myself this: Where is the middle ground?!?!

If life was perfect and I could put it all together, I want an active praying husband. Who will be a leader. He will lead spiritually, he will make every effort to continue to be the man of God that God has created him to be. I would do my best to be the loving supportive wife, praying always for him and that our family would grow spiritually. That when we have kids, that it would be a loving, praying family. Is this the best of the best? This can happen...however belief and patience and a lot of prayer is what makes this possible.

...welcome to the inside of my head...

Praying Gods Word Part 2

2007-08-09T14:07:00.000-04:00

Psalm 5:3
"In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer to you and eagerly watch."

Psalm 9:9-10
"The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, A stronghold in times of trouble, those who know your name will put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."

Psalm 25:21
"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, FOR I WAIT FOR YOU."

1 Chronicles 28:9
"...know the God of your Father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever."

THE WORD - SARA GROVES

I've done every devotional Been every place emotional Trying to hear a new word from God And I think it's very odd, that while I attempt to help myself My Bible sits upon my shelf With every promise I could ever need Chorus: And the Word was And the Word is And the Word will be The old Word is the new Word is The old Word is the new Word is... People are getting fit for Truth Like they're buying a new tailored suit Does it fit across the shoulders Will it fade when it gets older We throw ideas that aren't in style In the Salvation Army pile And search for something more to meet our needs. I think it's time I rediscover All the ground that I have covered, like Seek Ye first (what a verse)We are pressed but not crushed, perplexed but don't despair.We are persecuted but not abandoned We are no longer slaves we are daughters and sons, and when we are weak we are very strong And neither death nor life nor present nor future nor depth nor height can keep us from the love of Christ And the Word I need is the Word that was who put on flesh to dwell with us. In the beginning....

"Praying God's Word"

2007-08-07T23:49:00.000-04:00

"For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
Psalm 33:21-22

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."
Pslam 139:23-24

"Establish my footsteps in Your Word, and do not let any iniquity have dominion over me."
Psalm 119:133

"Seek the Lord and His strength; SEEK HIS FACE CONTINUALLY"
Psalm 105:4

amazed

2007-08-06T23:34:00.000-04:00

I wasn't quite sure how to title this blog, and I am still not sure that "amazed" is the best way. None-the-less (is that hyphenated?) the past few weeks have been crazy and I am amazed at what the Lord will show you thru different circumstances!

The day came, I really thought I was going to be let go from my job (again) and all I could think about was to pray, "love, joy, peace,...uhhhhh....I can't. ok...start again, Lord, please allow me to show love, have joy, strive for peace, and give me.....man. I am really struggling with this patience thing." As I struggled thru, I skipped over to "Lord, please help me to be kind, especially with my words, help me to be gentle, please help me to be faithful in my commitment of representing you today as I deal with situations that are not in my favor, and when things go bad...Please grant me....self-control."

As the week went on, I continued to struggle with praying for patience. I didn't have any and part of me didn't want any. I was worried about having a job and paying bills. But as I continued in my unbelief, and the situation worsend, others began to be a struggle on my list. "Lord, please allow me....self-....but Lord, they are being soooo unfair and none of this is my fault. How are they going to understand if I don't tell them what is going on and how things are supposed to be." ok.."Lord, please, allow me to trust in you for self....Lord, my attitude, I have every reason to be mad!!! I know that it doesn't give me a right to talk to them like that, but..." And they struggle with unbelief continued, along with it my struggle for patience, self-control, kindness, gentleness, and most important what I had prayed for concerning my faithfulness in my commitment to be a representative of Jesus Christ.

When we allow SELF to get involved it all goes down hill. I am amazed at how I acted, even though it was a really bad week and I had to fight through the whole thing, some awesome lessons were learned! Trust in the Lord, he will help you, he will guide you, and He will not abandon you to fight your own battles. The Lord is good to his people and those who dare mess with his children have the bigger worries!

life

2007-04-29T23:14:00.000-04:00

I watched an old video I found tonight of my High School Graduation and Marching Band. I kept thinking that I wished I could just go back to High School. There are so many things that I would do differently. I would make different choices, and I probably have better friendships. There are so many people that I wish I wouldn't have allowed to take advantage of me, or treat me bad. So many people that I wish I would have taken a little time to share the gospel with. On that note, I wish that I would have let go of self-pity and self-focus long enough to focus on Christ to share the gospel and lead the life that I know now to be fruitful and fulfilling through Christ. I don't know how much of a difference that would have made, but if it were God's plan it would have happened. I know that I am not who I was then. My character has been shaped and molded for where Christ wants me to be right now, and it was shaped through the circumstances that He allowed me to go through then. There are a lot of decisions I made then, that I wouldn't now, and that encourages me to live life now in order to look back one day and say, "I wouldn't change anything I did. I am glad I made those decisions." I want to look back and not regret. I want to live life to the fullest because it goes by so quickly. I want to take advantage of every opportunity...I want my life to mean something. I don't want to look back and see nothing...I want to be able to look back and see that I have done things to advance the Kingdom of God! I want to know that I ran hard when I could have walked....I want to know that I laughed when I could have cried...and I want to know that I smiled at the most oportune times. Mostly I want to know that I loved when I could have hated in the moments that really matter.

Is it possible to comprehend such a love?

2007-03-07T20:42:00.000-05:00

Oh the deep deep love of Jesus
vast unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me,
underneath me, all around me,
is the current of thy love -
leading onward, leading homeward,
to my glorious rest above.
Oh the deep deep love of Jesus
spread his praise from shore to shore!
How he loveth, ever loveth,
changeth never, never more.
How he watches o'er his loved ones,
died to call them all his own;
how for them he intercedeth,
watches o'er them from the throne
Oh the deep deep love of Jesus
love of every love the best still an ocean vast of blessing still a haven sweet of rest
Oh the deep deep love of Jesus 'tis a heav'n of heav'ns to me;
and it lifts me up to glory
for it lifts me up to thee

straight up...

2007-03-01T00:02:00.000-05:00

GOD IS GOOD!!!! That's all there is to it! That's it! He is good and worthy of our praise!!!

Contemplating sin

2007-02-27T17:50:00.001-05:00

From the Fall onward, the world has been inflicted with the disease of sin, and can be seen throughout history. There has been no time when the world has had complete rest and peace with no war between one another, and there has been at no time and place a point with out moral confliction. “..history is little else than a record of rebellions against God…”[1] “He who looks into the state of society around him, finds proof of man’s wickedness. Crimes abound everywhere; and the earth is filled with violence, as it was of old.”[2]
I think that we as Christians have lost sight of the fact that sin, if not dealt with immediately, can be controlled by it. I have come too see from the lives of my unbelieving family members the effects of sin through their attitudes and actions, the events in their lives, and in their lifestyles, and I cannot help but think that they are dealing with the struggles of life, and the effects of un-repented sin without hope, and that at the center of their despondent lives is the fact that they are in direct rebellion towards God. If I thought about this clearly, every day, it should cause me to share Christ with them; and share hastily.
Too often we want that “feel good” “happy” feeling instead of coming to the realization that we have sinned against God, out maker and Creator. O, what union there could be if we would just repent and turn to the Lord. Yes, it is encouraging to know that God loves us. This is essential in knowing Him, and it is a huge part of His character; however, greater than that is our need for him. We need Him more than our need to be loved by Him. We have sinned against a perfect and Holy God; the God of the universe. We have made a mockery of His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, and we want to “feel good” about this? Should we not be more concerned about the purpose for which Christ had to die?
The concept of sin and the seriousness of sin has been lost, and it is vital that we as believers return to this realization. We live as though the world owes us something, and sometimes as if God himself owes us something, but we fail to realize that we owe HIM everything; that we a sinful, corrupt, unholy, unworthy, god-hating sinner who deserves nothing, upon receiving Christ gained everything; yet with pride we take it, and with pride we fall failing to realize that it was for our sin that Christ was nailed to the cross in order for us to receive all that we have been given. It was sin that separated man from God, from a most perfect unity. It was sin that nailed Christ to the cross; it is sin that causes us to act out of rebellion towards God. It is sin that requires death, and it sin for which Christ died on the cross to reconcile us to the Father. Still, our view, and the way we lives our lives seem to scream the unimportance of sin, yet at its core it should remind us that what we deserve is death and Hell, but what we receive is salvation from that sin in order to spend eternity with God in Heaven.
[1] J.L. Dagg. Manual of Theology. (Harrisonburg, VA: Sprinkle Publications, 1990), 151.
[2] J.L. Dagg. Manual of Theology. (Harrisonburg, VA: Sprinkle Publications, 1990), 151.

Deep in thought...

2007-02-06T16:39:00.000-05:00

I got an email the other day from a dear friend of mine. She's more like a second mother to me. Her son and I have been friends since 6th grade, and so we are pretty close. Anyway, contained in this email was some information about some friends of mine who have just been married and are planning for a second child. She made the comment that I needed to "find that man and get busy. [I] am falling behind. " That is totally how I feel, but my immediate response was I didn't fall behind...they started too early! Am I falling behind? Of course, I am earning a 4 year degree in 6, and I haven't dated anyone since my second semester in college! Many of my friends have graduated, gotton married, and are having babies. Its hard to be in the in between. People at work are giving me a hard time about still being single...it seems to be haunting me these days. What am I supposed to do? I can't do anything about it. I mean, well I guess I could loose about a million pounds, dye my hair blond, get blue colored contacts, and be someone I am completely not to attract a guy, but what then? There isn't anything there that is going to hold a relationship together! I want a guy to be attracted to me for who I am not what I look like. Basically, as Valentine's Day approaches and I think about spending it by myself, again, I can't help but think about how I am going to deal with this for the rest of my life. All the time I hear that God has intended marriage for most people, and we need to be prepared for marriage, and being a wife, and being a mother! But how in the WORLD do we prepare for life if this is not what God has planned for us? Its easier to deal with it when we are younger, we are still young, there is still time, but what about when we turn 35, 40, 45? What then, and how do we deal with it then when we have been taught and prepared for married life, we know all about married life, and life being 20 and single, but we know nothing about being 45 and single. How do we prepare for this? Is there a place in figuring this out? Just food for thought I guess...

where has all the time gone?

2007-01-27T17:13:00.000-05:00

I am here at work among all the hustle and bustle of a car dealership on a Sat afternoon. I started to think about how fast we live life. We are in such a big hurry, and often times to go absolutley NOWHERE! Its amazing. We hurry and get done with one thing in order to move on to the next, and then hurry with that, and then on to the next, and so on and so forth. When we stop to think about what we have done for the day, or for the week, we think "Wow! Where on earth did the time go?" I guess its not a matter of what amount of time we are given, or even the circumstances of the time, but what matters is what we do with that time. I have been in college since the Spring of 2002, and I am getting ready to graduate in May of 2008. If you calculate the years, I earned a 4 year degree in 6. At first glance you think, "that's a long time!" But as I look back, its really no time at all. What have I done with that time? What can I do with the time that comes from this present time forward?

I am trying to plan for the next couple years, where I am going to live, job possibilities, paying back school loans; I even started thinking about how I was going to deal with the future death of family members, and so on and so forth. I find that I can never fully prepare for any of these things. My biggest fear is having to do it alone. I keep planning as if I was going to have to live out the rest of my life by myself. It's scary, and although I know that God is going to help me, and strengthen me, and provide for me through those things, I still have a hard time thinking about it.

I guess my mind is wandering around and around and I am allowing myself to be overwhelmed by things I can't control or manage or keep from happening. I can just trust in the Word of the Lord when He says that he cares for the birds and the trees, and all living things, but my value to him is much, much more, so I need not worry about anything. He is my strength and my portion forever.

revolving door

2007-01-10T17:30:00.000-05:00

so i am not real sure what was going on today at work, but it was PURE MADNESS!!! We had like 3 people quit all at one time, and possibly more will quit later. We only had 10 sales reps! Its a mess. All their paychecks were messed up and there was trouble in that department! Anyway, then, I almost quit with them because of the environment that is created by a certain person that works here. Extremely rude, and inconsiderate. I don't know. It's crazy how certain people come and go in your life. You never know what purpose is there for them being their at that time in your life and you in theirs. Sometimes it's hard for me to think that I have a purpose in someone's life and they in mine when we can't stand to be within 10 feet of each other. As unimaginable as it is, its true and I somehow have to find a way to figure it out.

Anyway, that's all for now! Please pray for me to have patience and endurance! I need all that I can possibly get!

And the kick-off!!!

2007-01-05T18:48:00.000-05:00

So, things are shaping up nicely for this coming semester. Money is in place, scholarships are in place, bills are being paid, things are going well. I was a little worried about the money part of this coming semester, but the Lord, once again, has proven himself and taken care of the whole situation as he always does. I love it!

There really isn't too much going on my world. Just working like CRAZY! I can't wait for school to start back up so I will have something to do at work! How sad is that? Things ave been pretty slow here at Oxmoor Hyundai, so if you need a car stop by...the managers are pretty desperate for a sale, they will probably give you a super good one (not that they wouldn't anyway...but this would be better than good)!

Well...good-bye for now!

Christmas

2006-12-30T11:07:00.000-05:00

Christmas is officially over, but we only have 360 more days until next year so its good. :) Anyway, I was in Denver for Christmas and it was sooo much fun. There was a TON of snow...

I was so excited! I already miss it! Anyway. Christmas with my family was awesome! It was so good to see them. I helped Jayce snowbored (he's 5) and I helped my brother and my other cousin Chris build a snow fort. (they are 21 and 23) hehehe. It was awesome! I hope your Christmas was great!

what in the world?

2006-12-21T02:00:00.000-05:00

So, I thought I would make some homemade cookies tonight to take to family and friends. I added to much flour...now they are chocolate chip cakes disguised as cookies! Don't let them fool you! What in the world?

Almost Christmas!

2006-12-19T17:32:00.000-05:00

A week from today, Christmas will have come and gone! It's almost here and I cannot wait! I love Christmas! I love decorating, and baking, and everything that comes with Christmas! I don't like to think about it too much because it gets silly. I mean you spend so much time and money getting ready for Christmas and its all over within a few hours! Oh but how worth it it is! Beautiful! I love Christmas trees, and lights, and snow (even though we don't get much here in KY, I am heading to Colorado! Surely there will be snow!) I love reindeer and Santa, but mostly I love the aspect of spending time with my family. We celebrate the birth of Jesus, and his coming to eventually die for our sins so that we can spend eternity with him! What better gift than the gift of salvation! I love Christmas!

Gilmore GIrls Insanity!

2006-12-13T14:53:00.000-05:00

I, very unwisely, borrowed the sixth season of Gilmore Girls from my dear friend Kristen yesterday! I thought this unwise as I finally cut myself off right in the middle of an episode, and went to bed at 7:30 AM. I was up all night watching Gilmore Girls!!! As I woke up today at 2PM, I continued to think it unwise as I realized I was suffering from a "gilmore girl hangover" Due to lack of sleep and inconsistent emotions all night...the shock...the crying...the laughing, I wake up with a huge headache and can hardly function! Although I have never in my life been drunk with alcohol and suffered a real hangover, this is what I imagine it to be (only thankfully without the vomitting...the headache however, very much there...) This is insane! Who does this? This show, (I suppsose) is also like alcohol because once you watch one you can't stop, until you are finally cut off and forced to stop leaving you tired, confused, up all night, feeling crappy with a headache the next day! I couldn't just watch one or two episodes. NO! Each one had questions that needed answers! What is going on with Loreli and Rory? Are they going to make up in this one? Which one is going to give in first? YAY! Rory is going back to school! What the heck was up with Zach's attitude? Lane is getting married, and to the guy who just freaked out on stage right in front of a lable company? Where in the world did Jess come from?Oh now I understand why Mrs. Kim is so crazy! She gets it from her mom! Are Luke and Loreli ever going to set a date? Luke has a daughter!! All questions that needed to be answered! They couldn't have possibly wated 8 hours while I was sleeping! Anyway, only one thing would have made my night with the Gilmore Girls perfect, watching it with my dear friend Betsy, whom I personally take credit for getting her sucked in as well. Bets, it wasn't as much fun with out you!

Thanks!

2006-12-11T18:02:00.000-05:00

I appreciate the comments that were left on my last post. (And Viv, I don't know if it was him or not) Anyway. I have decided that I again fell into measuring my worth by what people thought of me. I can't think of anything I have done to make anyone say horrible things to me, so if they are its because of their own insecurities. I could understand them saying that if I gave them a reason to, but I don't believe I did.

Anyway, on a side note! I am done with my Christmas shopping! YAY! I am really excited about what I got for my family! I got my dad a super nice coat for 50% off at Old Navy! I am so excited!!!! I only paid 29 bucks for a 60 dollar coat! AWESOME! Anyway. I will end this here. I don't have anything else exciting to say (like anything else was that exciting either...) Hahaha...BYE!

Dawn...(you fill in the blank)...

2006-12-09T17:59:00.000-05:00

Here lately everything that has gone in that blank has been negative. I don't understand what it is that I am supposed to do for people to like me. I don't act like someone I am not. I am not overbearing or judgmental. I feel like I get along with most people, yet I find myself with out a lot of people to hang out with, and when I was at work today, I opened the drawer of my desk where all our phone numbers are listed and under my name "sucls". I haven't done anything. I couldn't help but to feel hurt. During the past week I've been called "ugly", "uneducated", "unimportant", and so on and so forth. At least those things were said to my face. I don't know if I need to change something or what. I understand that I am not gonig to be friends with everybody, but I don't get what it is about me that makes people say all these awful things to me lately. I am trying really hard to overlook it, but as I have been called ugly, I don't want to eat anymore and it takes 3 times longer for me to get ready to go anywhere. In being called unintelligent, I want to quit school 2 semesters before I graduate. I understand that that is allowing what those people say to control my life, and I shouldn't do. I am thankful that some of these thoughts come and go and I never actually act on them. I just don't understand what the deal is with people saying these awful things about me and to me. I may never understand. Anyway, that's the thought for the day...sorry its on a down note...

"If I were a rich man (or woman)"

2006-12-07T02:17:00.001-05:00

I am watching the musical "Fiddler on the Roof" and Tevye poses this question, and then ponders what would it be like "if I were a rich man" Then I began to think the same. If I didn't have to work, what would I do? How would I spend my time? Where would I spend my money? Would I boast about it? Tevye touches on a lot of these questions...read the lyrics and tell me what you come up with on your own...

"Dear God, you made many, many poor people.

I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.

But it's no great honor either!

So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?

"If I were a rich man,

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a biddy biddy rich,Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,

Right in the middle of the town.

A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.

There would be one long staircase just going up,

And one even longer coming down,

And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks

For the town to see and hear.

And each loud "cheep" and "swaqwk" and "honk" and "quack"

Would land like a trumpet on the ear,

As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man.

"If I were a rich man,

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a biddy biddy rich,Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife

With a proper double-chin.

Supervising meals to her heart's delight.

I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.

Oy, what a happy mood she's in.

Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!

They would ask me to advise them,

Like a Solomon the Wise.

"If you please, Reb Tevye..."

"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."

Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.

When you're rich, they think you really know!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack

To sit in the synagogue and pray.

And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.

And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.

That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a rich man,

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a biddy biddy rich,

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

"Guess what? Big news..."

2006-12-04T02:04:00.000-05:00

Can I just say that I am not sure that I like the new Blogger/Google marriage! Its frustrating. I guess...I may not know how to use it right yet I guess...

Anyway, so speaking of marriage...it seems like everytime I get on facebook or check blog accounts everyone seems to have "BIG NEWS". Lately I don't even need to hear what "the big news" is in order to know "the big news". I am not against marriage in anyway. I want to get married. I just can't seem to understand where this epidemic of relationships came from. One minute everyone I know is single, and we are pineing for the day that we'd "have big news" or find "the one" and the next minute, they've all left me by myself with books that are supposed to help me be patient. "I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" "Lady in Waiting" "Finding the Love of Your Life" "Bondage of the Will" -- oh wait wrong catagory...the title fit...

I have a decision to make at this point. As I am choked on the dust of those who have left me behind I can choose to continue to be patient, or I can choose to wallow in the midst of jealousy, envy, self-pity, and all the other things that I and probably many others face while there friends go off and find prince Charming, or Princess whoever...I want to choose to be happy for the MANY friends who have gotton engaged in the past month, and I am, but I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with me. Why I am always the girl that the guys ask advice from about another girl, but I am never the girl. (there's the self-pity...try again)

I am happy for all my friends, I am just scared that when my big news comes, if it ever will...there won't be anyone there to share it with. The number of close friends dwindles as they are one by one fading away into engagements, wedding plans, weddings, and for some, family. Babies, nursuries, toys, and pre-k occupies the time that was once spent going out to lunch or driving to DQ for ice cream. Life is passing me by. What do I do with it. I am called to a life of servanthood to Christ. I need to do my best to serve him because when it is all said and done HE IS ALL I NEED! I don't need all those other things, nice as they would be, I don't need them. I am to seek HIS KINGDOM AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS first, and all other things will be added to them. Use my time wisely, waiting each moment for the plan God has for me because HE knows what is best.

Shaken?

2006-11-29T04:17:00.000-05:00

Tonight after work some co-workers and I were discussing some pretty tough issues pertaining to salvation, eternal security and mainly baptism. I was discouraged the longer we talked because I didn't feel like I was saying the right things, and when I was asked to prove something from scripture I couldn't. It was something I felt like I should know. I wasn't asked to list and explain the 5 points of Calvinism for Pete's sake! I was just asked to show him why I believed in a believers baptism! I have sat in class after class where this arguement has been discussed! This should have been cake!!! Being extremely vulnerable at the point I broke down crying. One of the people I was talking to said I was crying because I was questioning everything I was ever taught, and I proceeded with the following, (this is actually kinda funny) I said, "I am not crying because I am questioning my beliefs! I know what I believe and I believe it with all my heart! I know its in there! I am crying because I have spent almost 6 years in BIBLE COLLEGE and I have nothing to say! I just wasted like 12,000 dollars or something!" We all laughed...agreed to disagree...called it a night and decided to talk about it more later! It was actually kinda funny. I am glad that I know them and they know me as well as we do! Thank goodness for opportunities of humbleness! I think sometimes being a Bible College, or Seminary student we get prideful. "I'm in Bible College so I know more (or better) than you" or some variation of that. I know I did at the very beginning because I didn't even know that this guy was a Christian. I "thought" I had the upper hand. He pulled out the big guns and definitely sunk my battleship.

UNABLE TO GET MOTIVATED!

2006-11-26T19:01:00.000-05:00

So, finals are this week, yet I can't seem to get myself to study! That's a problem. I do this at the end of every semester! I just want to be done already! I am learning amazing things, but I just can't seem to get into study mode in order to remember everything I need to for my finals. Yikes!

Thanksgiving was great and I enjoyed every second of it. I really miss haning out with my dad and my brother. I am actually getting homesick thinking about it! Anyway, so it was nice. I love my family, and as I think about the time that has gone by that I haven't seen them it makes me sad. I am also thinking of the rest of my family that lives in Colorado. So much time has passed. My cousin, who is 17 now, is getting ready to graduate from HS and move on to college! What happened to the little boy who always hung at my side? My other cousin Austin suffers from terminal brain damage is getting worse and I know that my aunt and uncle could use some help, and I know he doesn't have much time left...where am I? There is just so much that I feel I have missed in the lives of my family. I love them so much and I hope to be with them soon!

Anyway, I think my procrastinating has gone on way too long.

Until next time...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-23T00:55:00.000-05:00

I've been in Georgia all week! I hope to update soon! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!

And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, "Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, THE WIFE OF URIAH THE HITTITE?" 2 Sam 11:3

2006-11-18T01:04:00.000-05:00

I was reading a book this week by Francine Rivers called "Unspoken" about David and Bathsheba. I was reminded of God's mercy and Grace. In the book, after the death of her first child Bathsheba turns to the Lord. She is sorry for the death of her son, and for the whole situation. Bathsheba comes to a point where she is trusting in the Lord and relies upon him for strength. I read this prayer by Bathsheba as she is worshipping. This was after David had taken her for a wife and everyone knows about the adultry between her and David, and the murder of Uriah. Bathsheba goes to worshio the Lord and prays to him:

But, O , how can I ever hold my head up again? When I sing praises to You, Lord, people glare at me as though I'm blaspheming. They came to worship You and see me among the women, and thier hearts are turned away from you as they nurture thoughts of vengence.

This was a huge wake up call to me. Am I living my life so that when the people around me see me worshiping they don't see it as blasphemous or hypocritical. May I never give anyone a reason for their heart to be turned from God during worship because of my sin. I want to set an example of godliness, truth, and righteousness. I can't do this on my own, but with God's help I can overcome sin and temptation. He does provide ways out, its just up to us to take notice of those ways and then take them. We always justify our sin to make it right in our own eyes, and "thier is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death." Christ is our strength and through him we can do anything.

In the end, David and Bathsheba both learned of God's greater mercy and forgiveness, and I am reminded that the same forgiveness that was extended to King David and Bathsheba can also be extended to me if I will only ask. More importantly, his strength is also available in order for me to overcome sin and temptation, but when I fail, his mercy and forgiveness awaits me.

I am outta ideas!

2006-11-14T20:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't developed any new ideas, and since the last blog I have officially been called a geek...not so inspiring~ (I love you Viv) Anyway, I am working on something for the next one...it won't be too much longer, hang in there...

Ever had one of these days?

2006-11-11T15:23:00.000-05:00

So, I was thinking that I consider myself a pretty up beat, fun girl. I am in a good mood the majority of the time, kinda like, say... Elmo! Elmo is a good guy! He likes to laugh! (Hence the "tickle me Elmo!) Anyway, this provoked thoughts on grouchiness. As Christians we have a greater hope that excludes grouchiness. You'll find, like Elmo, that we aren't cut out for grouchiness...(It's at these times I wish I new how to import music into my blogs...)

Elmo is talking with Grizzy and Grouch:

Grizzy: Elmo, what do you think it takes to be a grouch?

Elmo: Well, Elmo could sing about it!

Grizzy: I can't wait to hear this...(no enthusiam...)

Grouch: This could be a mistake!!

(Song)

Elmo: If you wake up in the morning mean and grumpy, and you frown at everybody that you see (Blleeeaahhh) (Grizzy): and if you like your oatmeal nice and cold and lumpy, then you're a grouch like me. If you love it when it's wet and cold and rainy, and the music that you like is all off key (la la la) Elmo: and your happiest whenever you're complaining, then you're a grouch like me (and Grizzy) If you hate it when your grandma kisses you (muuuah) you know what? Elmo too! Grizzy: If you LOVE to watch a garbage truck roll by, you know what kid? So do I! Elmo: And if you think that great big pile of trash is pretty (Grouch: pretty awful) Grizzy: and that ice cream is as yucky as can be (Elmo: yuck! yuck! yuck!) Grouch: If you just can't stand a cuddly little kitty, then you're a grouch like me (and Oscar!)

Grizzy, Elmo, and Grouch resume talking:

Grizzy: Elmo, I think you are getting the hang of it, but I don't think you could be a grouch.

Elmo: Why not?

Grizzy: Well look at ya! You're so sweet and cute, and...Oh Oscar look at this he's dancing!

Oscar: He's dancing!?

Grizzy: Yeah! Dancing!!

Oscar: Stop Dancing!!

(singing) And if you think that great big pile of trash is pretty, and and that ice cream is as yucky as can be, and if you just can't stand a cuddly little kitty Grouch: and you'd like to chase it up the nearest tree (elmo: Oscar!!) Then you're a grouch like me!

Elmo: Oscar, what did you think of Elmo's grouchiness?

Oscar: Why, it was AWFUL!

Elmo: Thank you Oscar! A grouch like Elmo! Have a rotton day!

Oscar: Now that's my boy!

Like Elmo I find after hearing this song that I too am not good at being a grouch! I love cuddly kitties and I can't stand the site of trash!! As Christians we are to end up like Elmo (awful at being grouchy!!) We are called to enjoy abundant life through Christ, and that doesn't include grouchiness!! We shouldn't be "happiest when we're complaining" We should be happiest when we are enjoying the life that God so graciously gave! I hope all of you have a rotton..I mean great day!!! )hehehe

Newer Attitude

2006-11-09T20:26:00.000-05:00

Ahhh! Lord, grant me patience, wisdom, and direction! Please pray for me and my work situation! I am having trouble with my attitude! I can't seem to conquor not being completely frustrated with a girl who never does anything! As a matter of fact confesses to "doing as little as possible" Grrr...She's a mess, never cleans up after herself, and those of you who know me even kinda well, know how I feel about messes!!!! I come in everyday, clean up after her, and then proceed to do all the work that she should have done while she was here for 8 hours prior to her coming in!!! Anyway, please pray for me. I don't know what to do or say. I want to talk to the managers, but I am not sure that it would mean a hill of beans!! I know that in all of this, right or wrong, God desires a pure heart, and holiness. God doesn't require me to be nice to her, but he requires me to model Christ, and having an attitude to glorify His name. I pray that my attitude would reflect the name of Christ, not my frustrations.

New Attitude

2006-11-07T17:48:00.000-05:00

I seriously need an attitude adjustment! It has been so bad every time I come into work. There are just some people here that I don't get along with for various reasons. I just pray everyday that my attitude that would be that of Christ and not myself. I love my job and I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me here. I was able to go bowling with some co-workers Sunday night and their families. It was awesome. I hope that we do something like that again.

I want so much to have a good attitude, but some people make it difficult. I am sure however that Christ ran into the same situation. He still had a good attitude. He never sinned. Even when they were mocking him and beating him for something he didn't do, that would have been the time to have a bad attitude!! But no, he suffered and died a perfect man who carried sins to be forgiven by the Father in order that we might come to know him. Thinking about it that way...there shouls be no reason for me to have a bad attitude!

I was definitley in "A world of my own" today...

2006-11-04T23:10:00.000-05:00

Cats and Rabbits would reside in fancy little houses
and be dressed in shoes and hats and trouses
in a world of my own
all the flowers
would have very extra special powers
they would sit and talk to me for hours
when im lonely in a world of my own
there'd be new birds
lots of nice and friendly howdy-do birds
everyone would have a dozen blue birds
within that world of my own
i could listen to a beddling brook
and hear a song that i could understand
i keep wishing it could be that way
because my world would be a wonderland
[Thanks to zestykat@aol.com for lyrics]

"Whether or not a guy (person) likes you is not a measure of your worth"

2006-11-02T13:32:00.000-05:00

This was some very encouraging advice given by an amazing brother in Christ. If my worth does not come from another person who does it come from? This is an easy head concept, but what of the heart? If you are human, you struggle with this concept! As believers we can say all day long that our worth is in Christ. However, how often does that go from our head to our heart? In my case, not often enough. Our worth comes from the Holy One. The creator of the universe!! His love for me has never been so real as I read this passage of scripture.

Isaiah 43

1.But now, THUS SAYS THE LORD, your CREATOR, O Jacob, and he who formed you, O Israel. "Do not fear, for I HAVE REDEEMED YOU; I have called you BY NAME; YOU ARE MINE!"

How amazing that God takes such possession over the ones whom he has created. For those who think that God created the universe and all of creation and then just left it...this throws that idea straight out the window!! It even says "Thus says the Lord, your CREATOR"...then proceeds to say "YOU ARE MINE!!" How amazing!

2. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you."

3. "For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place.

4. "Since YOU ARE PRECIOUS IN MY SIGHT, since you are HONORED and I LOVE YOU I will GIVE OTHER MEN IN YOUR PLACE AND OTHER PEOPLES IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR LIFE."

How awesome is that? God says "I love you so much that I am willing to sacrifice the lives of others in order to protect and save you."

Where does my worth come from? A Holy God who would give other people in exchange for my life. He created me for his glory (v7) and I have no Savior besides Him (v 11). There was no one before him, nor will there be anyone after him. He is GOD, and there is no one who can take me away from Him. He loves me and I am His! (vs 1, 10, 12, and 13)

You are more beautiful than anyone ever.

Every day you're the same,

you never change, no never.

How could I ever deny the love of my Savior?

You are to me everything, all I need forever.

How could you be so good?

There is no one like you.

There has never, ever been anyone like you.

Everywhere You are there earth or air surrounding

I'm not alone the heavens sing along

My God You're so astounding

How could You be so good to me

Eternally I believe that

There is no one, no one like You

There has never ever been anyone like You

Artist: Barlow Girl

"...Before me there was no God formed,

And there will be none after me

I, even I, am the Lord,

and there is no Savior besides me...

Even from eternity I AM HE.."

Isaiah 43:10-11, 13

why I enjoy a journal (blog)

2006-10-31T23:18:00.000-05:00

I found this previous post, and was so encouraged. I am in this situation now, and I am thankful that my heart hasn't changed. I am so thankful that when we are obedient to God, and take the things that he does in our lives seriously only blessings can be given.

Something Happened...but what: Written Feb. 11, 2006

So, as many of you know I have been praying about a certain relationship situation, and as I have been praying the more content I have been with settling for God's will and not my own. So as I am thinking about this to myself...

"Hey Dawn!" (God says), what if this is not who I have for you? Will you still be content with my will?"

"Well, sure. I mean I will be kinda disappointed, but you know what my future holds and I can only see what's happening now."

"How patient are you willing to be, as I unfold the plan I have for you?"
"Well Lord, you created me, which means you are very well informed of my impatience."

"You really need to work on that."

"I know..." (shamefully)

"But will you be ok with this not being the guy?"

Knowing that no matter what answer I give, God will do what he is going to do, but I know that what God is saying is "Are you going to be ok with just me?"

As I sit and think that the number decreases of the number of single friends I have, this question becomes something I face every day. "Dawn, are you ok with just me?" I know that God is doing something awesome in my life. There may, or may not, be someone amazing out there for me. However, I believe that either way I have to be content with Christ. He is looking for me to be content and satisfied with him in order for him to allow me into the arms of another.

My Gods Enough

2006-10-31T14:47:00.000-05:00

I've had enough of living life for only me
and reaching just for the things that keep destroying me
so sick of envying the lives of so many I see
somehow believing that they have what I need

my God's enough for me
this world has nothing I need
in this whole life I've seen
my God's enough, enough for me

I can't explain why I suffer though I live for You
those who deny You, they have it better than I do
cover my eyes now so that my heart can finally see
that in the end only You mean anything

who have I but You, Jesus
nothing I desire but You
my heart may fail but not You
You are mine forever

Artist: Barlow Girl

Psalm 73 (ESV)
1 Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. 2 But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. 3 For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. 4 For they have no pangs until death; their bodies are fat and sleek. 5 They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind. 6 Therefore pride is their necklace; violence covers them as a garment. 7 Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies. 8 They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression. 9 They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth. 10 Therefore his people turn back to them, and find no fault in them. 11 And they say, How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High? 12 Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. 13 All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. 14 For all the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning.
15 If I had said, I will speak thus,I would have betrayed the generation of your children. 16 But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, 17 until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. 18 Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. 19 How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors! 20 Like a dream when one awakes, O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.
21 When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, 22 I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. 23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. 28 But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

Craziness...

2006-10-30T18:48:00.000-05:00

This past week has been crazy. I have been scrambling trying to get all of my homework done. I have also been dealing with (this is for you Viv) "mystery guy". I am so ready for this semester to be over with so I can move on to something new. I have realized this semester more than any other that I get bored sooo easily. 8 weeks into the semester I am done. Ready to to be finished move on to something new. Grrr...anyway.

I am wanting to start running again, its just a matter of being disciplined enough and finding the right time to do it. I am desperate for raquettball partners (hint hint and wink wink to those of you who like to play...) Viv...we seriously need to make use of the tennis courts at my apartment complex!!!

So, its absolutley B-E-A-Utiful outside tonight! I REALLY need to be reading "Bondage of the Will" by Martin Luther, but all I can do is think about playing moon-lite Putt-Putt Golf and eating TCBY ice cream (a favorite high school memory of mine: Kelly Sellick! :) I think it would be awesome to be outside doing ANYTHING!!!

Lord, give me patience, strength, and determination! Help me to be diligent... Help me to wait patiently on you! Amen.

I've traveled the East coast....

2006-10-25T20:12:00.000-04:00

I just want to say that it was so nice to have some time to myself, driving all over the east coast. Just me, my car, and some well overdue time with the Lord. It all started Thursday morning at 4:30 AM. I got up and got ready to begin my trip to Knoxville, TN. I loaded up my car and was on the road by 6 AM. I was finally on my way to see my wonderful friend Lee, who has been in China for months! It was so good to see him and catch up. After a full day in Knoxville, I was on the road again. I made my way down to Toccoa to see my dad and my brother. We caught up a little, was in bed by 11, and I was up again at 3:30 Am to make my way to Richmond, VA. On the way, I locked my keys in my car (again...) And so I was and hour late for the rehearsal lunch. It was sooo great to see Jaimeson and Wes. I haven't seen them in forever, and I was so glad to be a part of their wedding. Next, I got Betsy. SOO great to see her too. We went to the Rehearsal, and then decorated for the reception...(keep in mind, at this point I have been awake since 3:30 that morning) by the time we were finished and getting into bed it was 2:30 AM THE NEXT MORNING!!! We were up the next day at 8:30 getting ready for the big day!! YAY!!! The wedding was beautiful and I didn't fall or trip like I thought I was going to. It was awesome. I was really nervous. I really thought I was going to throw up right before. I thought I was going to ruin Jaim's wedding by falling down the aisle instead of walking. Anyway...it was soooo much fun. That night, Betsy and I did something we LOVE to do. We watched Gilmore Girls until 1 in the morning...or at least I did. Betsy was out by 11. The next day, I said my good-byes to Bets, and was on my way to Lynchburg, VA. I was able to see old friends. It was so great. Then Monday morning I was on the road again back to good ole Louisville, KY! Man, I did a lot of driving. It was so great though. I wanted some time to spend with the Lord, and just think through some things that were on my heart. It was nice to get peace about things, and direction about others. Anyway, I guess this is long enough...Hope you all have a great day!

sooo...

2006-10-23T19:13:00.000-04:00

yeah. I'm a chicken.

What in the world?

2006-10-05T17:04:00.000-04:00

So, I get into work today, and ALL of my managers have left! I don't mean a couple, I mean ALL!!! And, on top of that, all of my favorite sales people have left as well. So...I sit here holding back tears because I am not sure what else to do. I am now working for the same people I worked for at Mazda. (I didn't like it there because of management) and now they are here. I am worried that my raise won't go through, and I am just sick at my stomach over all of this. The managers at Mazda didn't let me do homework, and they let me go. But anyway, I guess we will see what happens.

Ahhh

2006-10-03T18:31:00.000-04:00

So tired of dumb people! Namely those who think its ok to say things about people...wait I mean TO people that are sooo uncalled for. Why in the world do people have to be so tactless (is that even a word?!) Anyway, I am so sick of dumb comments about peoples intelligence and weight, and ahhh I could go on and on and on. (I guess I already am) Anyway...not really sure if I should tell them to shut up or ignore it! Whatever...moving on to more important things!

I am done MAY 08!!! YAY!!! I was thinking today though about what it is exactly that I want to do when I get done. I know where I want to go, I just need to figure out what I want to do when I get there. Its exciting! The Lord will show me where I need to go and what to do. (WOW am I repetitive today...repetitive I tell ya!)

I am BORED out of my mind. I am at work and I don't have anything to do. I am on fall break and so no homework...actually now that I think about it...I did have some!! (oops)

I guess I am going to end this boring blog with "I like to move it, move it..." Watch Madagascar..."Mada-who-ha"? NO! Not who-ha, ascar" Just watch the movie...its FUNNY!!

Can you believe it?

2006-10-02T18:58:00.000-04:00

I am updating a blog with in 10 days of the last one!! Yikes! Too bad I don't really have anything to write about. Remember the mystery guy? Well the mystery will soon be over. The mystery will soon be solved and it will be good either way. I write this with the idea that everyone knows what I am talking about. If you don't, email me and I will be happy to explain. :) Anyway...so the mystery will unflod in a couple weeks and I am nervous about the outcome...kinda...I am actually excited to. That's another blog for another time.

I am sad that I can't come up with a good blog entry! What in the world? What are blogs for anyway. I feel like I should be writing about something besides me. But isn't this an online journal...but then I guess you have to ask what is a journal for? Anyway, now I am rambling...on to more important things, like the fact that I am going to go be bored at work for another 2 hours. ah well. Getting paid for doing nothing has its advantages I guess... :)

For Viv and Jaim

2006-09-26T20:01:00.000-04:00

update...Life has finally settled down. I have been put on full time at Oxmoor Hyundai, and I have been given a raise, therefore I HAVE QUIT OLIVE GARDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY! I have cut down a little on extraciricular activities, and have been focusing more on studying for school, and I have focused more on studying the word of God! Things are going well.

I continue to learn to trust in God for strength, and for all the things that only he can provide! I am trusting him for plans for the future as I (will find out for sure tomorrow) will be done with school in the fall of 07. YAY! I am wanting to venture on home to the rocky mountains, but will go wherever the Lord leads. Anyway...that's really all that is going on...I will try to keep up with this more often...

2006-07-22T19:25:00.000-04:00

Update for those of you who actually keep up with this! There are many things going on right now between my two jobs and working 40 + hours, and changing all kinds of plans. I have decided not to go to China for various reasons, and I am getting ready to make a trip to Denver, CO! YAY!

School starts in less than a month and things are hard this time. I hope we can figure it out soon! :/

Sorry I haven't been better at keeping up with this. There isn't much going on exept work, and that's really not exciting enough to write about! Maybe when I get back from CO I will have more to say...

quickly....

2006-07-08T18:25:00.000-04:00

Sorry I have not been updating....life has been a little crazy this summer, and especially here lately! So, while I have a few seconds...my life in a nutshell...

Hospitaliano!

I am still trying to find my way to China! YAY! Anyway...it is beautiful there, and I want to see it for myself...maybe bring home one of these awesome Chinese Coke bottles....

So this is my quick update...more later! :)

life

2006-06-24T16:03:00.000-04:00

I have tried to begin writting this blog about 10 times now, and have officially decided that I am not sure where to begin. My thought have been consumed lately by things I can't change, can't stop, can't do anything about. I have been living day by day, event by new event. One day, one thing at a time.

I am still getting used to living with the Parrott's. They are awesome, and I love living with them. Amanda cracks me up, and I have enjoyed hanging out with Katie when I get a chance. I am also still getting used to the 30 min. drive to work, but I just keep telling myself that its for only a few more months. Despite that I love being close to my church family. I like being able to just hang out if I wanted to. I will miss that greatly.

I started a new job at The Olive Garden. I LOVE IT! I think I will stay for a while.

I am still trying to get things together to go to China. I am almost there, but all I lack now is a little excitment from the person I am going to see. I mean they are excited, but I think I need to hear it one more time. I am excited to use my passport, and travel, but some small part of me wishes I was going to Europe.

more later...I promise...

Don't give up on me!

2006-05-04T23:45:00.000-04:00

I am so sorry I have not updated this thing in a very long time! Things have been crazy busy, and to add to that I totaled my car on Sunday before church. NOT COOL, NOT COOL AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT COOL! Anyway, I am alive, and walking, so its all good.

Next week: FINALS!!! Wooooo-hooooo!

Week after that: Get an additional job to pay for my airline ticket to CHINA! YAY!!!! It will be a vacation I will never forget!

Anything else you need to know, just ask...until the week after next SHALOAM!

GRRR

2006-04-18T22:21:00.000-04:00

So, why do guys have to be so crazy? I just can't seem to figure it out!!! Maybe it's just me. I don't know. I seem to have been dropped by every good guy friend possible and its driving me crazy. After my last boyfriend broke up with me I went on an all boys are stupid phase, and quickly realized that not ALL Boys were dumb, and began giving each one the benefit of the doubt. Sooo here I am 2 years later and was reminded through a certain situation of those feelings, and how much it stinks, and I feel myself slowly slipping into that train of thought. I don't understand how the heck i keep getting into these positions, but I just keep getting hurt. Not just by guy friends who are getting engaged and not talking to me anymore, but by other guy friends who just don't seem to care? It's super frustrating, and I just can't stand it anymore...PLEASE STOP BEING DUMB!!! LEARN HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS THE RIGHT WAY! Anyway, so my heart gets broken one way or the other by guys, so my solution...(not right...but what I want to do) cut off ALL friendships with the opposite sex. That's right...no further than "hey, how are ya?" I wonder if I could actually keep my heart from getting broken that way...I mean my heart doesn't only break when a guy dumps me, but when I have what I thought to be good guy friends act like I don't exist anymore with out warning.

hey!

2006-04-08T18:55:00.000-04:00

SO, many things have happened this week. I am four teeth short of what I had last week, and I have survived a tornado. YIKES! Anyway, all is well. I should be back in L-ville tomorrow. Sorry this is so short. I just wanted to let everyone know that all was well. I will write more later!

Hurt...

2006-04-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

So, I left for work today and I was feeling pretty good; and to be quite honest, I was feeling just pretty. So, I got to work, and everyone was complimenting me on how I looked. It felt good to know that people thought I was pretty too. I was also feeling like all this working out, and raquett ball and cutting back, eating right, was really paying off. It made me want to keep it up. I have done a good job, and I felt good. Until...

the next thing I know a co-worker of mine, a woman, asks me if I had ever shopped at a particular store, and I said no, but I wished I had the money to go buy new clothes. She says this and everything in me sunk to the floor and I wish that I never existed. "Oh, everything there is cheap! It cost less than TJMaxx and even better they even have your sizes!! There is a really big section it goes from the women sizes and then there a big section full of your sizes. I accidently found it when I saw this cute shirt, but when I picked it up it was WAYYYY to big for me. You should go check it out!" My sizes? How big does she think I am? But as we talked she repeated this statement a couple more times and after she left I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. I lied to everyone who asked me what was wrong. I didn't want them to know what she said, or even that she said it. I haven't set goals because I didn't want to get to a point where I felt like it just wasn't worth it. I didn't want to feel like what I was doing was all for nothing. Well, apparently I didn't need to. She did it. I feel like everything I have done is for nothing. Just when I think I am getting ahead, and I actually feel pretty, and for the first time I feel thinner, I am reminded of how big I actually am. Who cares that I am on the eliptical machine for 40 min every other day, I play raquettball like a mad woman. It really doesn't matter what I do, I am and forever will be big, and next time I go shopping I guess I will have to make sure they have "my sizes".

Oh my gracious!

2006-03-31T17:39:00.000-05:00

Can I just confess to all that I sinned today! I was not a good witness in the least bit!! This is how it all went down...

So, I show up at work, and I am in a pretty good mood. I am glad it's Friday, and more than anything it's now officially SPRING BREAK!!!!! So, I sit down, and things are going alright, and I wanted to show the other receptionist the beautiful artwork I did last night while I was here. (one of my hobbies is coloring) Anyway, she immediately stopped me and said to wait because someone complained!!! So, I was like what the heck?!?!?!?! I knew who it was and that was precisely the problem! He was here last night and has all the power to tell me what to do, after all he is my boss, but he said nothing. He was even talking to me about it and was really nice to me last night, (mind you for the first time since he's been here...And he managed to remember my name for the first time in thress months!) Anyway, so...The problem is this...Why is it ok for a particular other receptionist to do whatever the heck she wants to, but NOT OK for the rest of us to do what we want to. So...The point, I was asked to work every other weekend. Well, I can't because I work at the Hyundai store. So, this particular manager got mad at me, and needed something to pin on me so that was it! For real. There was another receptionist in this meeting who told me this, and I think it is ridiculous!!! They had a problem with me coloring, but they don't have a problem with this other girl (literally) coming in when she wants...Then taking personal phone calls all day long (on the business phone) but it is wrong for me to answer the phones every time they ring, do everything I am supposed to, and when I am not doing anything, it's wrong for me to color, (again, its ok for her to be late and take personal calls when she has a TON more responsibility than me!!!)

So, my sin...I don't remember the last time I got so mad I cussed...But I am sure it was here and I am sure that it was because of these stinkin managers. I am SURE of it. They aren't any help!!!! They treat you like crap, (especially if you are a receptionist (with the exception of the one) ) You don't really matter to them. All you are good for is to do everything they ask and make sure they have coffee. They never say please, they never say thank you. They just don't care. One of them finally learned my name (3 months later) Some don't know my name still, and I have worked every wed/thurs and fri for the past 3 months. If you do something wrong, you can pretty much guarantee that you will get your tail chewed out in front of everyone who can hear it!!! If there isn't anyone there, they'd probably wait til there was someone there just for the thrill of humiliation!!!! Anyway...Maybe its better explained in person, and there is much more, and where there really is no need for me to cuss in the first place, I did, and it wasn't like it was a bad bad word, but I still shouldn't have said it, and I should not have expressed my anger in that manner infront of my unsaved co-workers. YIKES! Talk about a bad witness for Christ. That is what stinks most!!!! Man, well. Let's just pray I can find another job. This one is just not working out. Every time I work its something new. Something else is wrong, something else is added to the pile of things that we (receptionists) have done wrong. Anyway...Thanks for letting me have a time of confession to you my friends....Please pray I have a better attitude while I am here at work...Thanks...

Dawn

Ahhhhh!!!

2006-03-24T18:09:00.000-05:00

Mid-semester has officially arrived!!! What the heck! I have been spending my time working, doing papers, and reading books that I don't understand, nor do I have the time to try and understand. As the school work comtinues to pile up so does my stress level. I am on the brink of insanity! Thankfully, the next book is an easy read, and the 15 page paper due on Monday requires much of my heartful consideration on the topic of repentance and penance.

I can't say that I have much joy at the moment concerning repentance or my salvation. I feel I have been far away from God, and too close to the other things that occupy my time. I have the house to myself this weekend, and where I don't do well being alone, I think I am actually enjoying it a little. Peace and quite for the schoolwork I need to get done, and some much needed time with God. Along with planning and preparing other fun things for my friends and I this weekend!

Nothing much else going on. I get to call Lee again on Friday, what a blessing it is to have a friend like him. I am so thankful for him. So good to have great friends.

Until next time...

I stinkin called China...

2006-03-18T18:09:00.000-05:00

I know for some people, this might seem kinda dumb, I don't. I think it was awesome. There is a 13 hour difference between my friend Lee and I, so it was a little hard coming up with a time to talk. It was either going to be too early or too late for one of us. Just wanted to share the excitment!
Sorry there isn't more to share. Maybe some other time...until then...

sweet perfection...

2006-03-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

I am usually not one to handle a lot of stress in my life. When I reach a certain boiling point, I can't do anything but cry. Yesterday was one of those times. The straw that broke the camels back? Well, a paper that was due, that I didn't turn in because why? I didn't even remember to do it. All semester I have had things done before or on the date in which they are due. Not this time and after that crashed everything else came crashing down with it. I am working a lot, and I have a lot of school work to do. There are things going on at home that quite frankly, I am tired of stressing over. Situations concerning friends, relationships, and the like are stressing me out, even though I just shouldn't worry about them. So, at about 2 pm, at my breaking point, I picked up a blanket, my Bible and my journal, and a map and headed out not really knowing where I would end up or how I would get there. I just needed a break!

So, there I went. I got in my car. Rolled the windows down. Put in the Lifehouse CD and turned it up as loud as I could stand, and went straight on auto-pilot. Down I-64 East. Took the Taylorsville Exit and headed towards T-ville Lake. No sooner did I get to Elk Creek that the thought crossed my mind, "It's too soon to stop. Keep driving." So I took a left at the light and sped down the road. Thinking about Chris Bosson of course and how much he likes the curves, turns, and dips on this particular road. Hahaha. He would have been proud. The Sun was shining for the first time in a week and between the sun, and the wind, and the music, I felt free. I felt free to go where ever I wanted and to do whatever I wanted. There were no restrictions at this point.

I arrived in Shelbyville, and immediatley got on I-64 East once again and was on my way to Lexington, KY. The ranches that way were beautiful. All the horses were out, and it was hard to pay attention to the road as I was distracted by all the beauty. As I arrived in Lexington, I had intended to just turn around and go back, but then that little voice came back and said, "be daring. Go somewhere you've never been before." So, off I went down Bluegrass Parkway headed towards E-town. I've been to E-town, but I have never seen the paradise of Bluegrass Parkway. There was a very cool castle that way that I hope to go back and see again. The sun was still shinin, and for many miles there was no one on the road but me. It was just me, the road, and the sun. The whole time I was driving, I thought about finding a new spot. A special spot where I could just stop and be still, and mediate on the word of God when I need to slow down, be reminded that he is God, and has my life in his hands. I looked and looked for some special spot. But never really found one. I kept driving, and found 55 towards T-ville again. I had thought about going all the way to E-town and back up to L-ville, but the one thing I didn't want to do was end up in the middle of rush hour traffic in downtown L-ville. I had felt that the further I was away from that busy city, the further I was from stress. So I took the exit towrds Bloomfield, KY.

What beauty this little town holds. There was nothing but ranches, fields, cows, horses. Life seemed so simple out here. I was wishing I could just go lay out my blanket right in the middle of one of these fields. But I kept driving, back towards Taylorsville. I ended up at Taylorsville State Park. Now it was time to stop as I felt myself getting closer and closer to the place where God was waiting for me to come running to him and find rest in his arms. I drove down a little winding road that wound down to the dam. There was the Taylorsville Lake, the dam, picnic tables, sidewalks, and a tree right in the middle of the open grass area. "There it is!" I thought. So I quickly got my stuff laid out my blanket, opened my Bible and found peace and rest in the arms of my Savior. Ahhh, sweet perfection.

I intend on going back to this place every time I need to get away. I love it there. I could spend hours there. I encourage all of you to have a special spot where just you and the Lord can chat, and cry, and be completly separated from the world, and busyness of life. It has helped me a lot the past few years. I can't wait to go back, and just settle down, be still, and bask in the presence of God.

So entertaining..

2006-03-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

So I was at work and thought it would be fun to google all my friends and see what stories were out. Some of these were hilarious. In some cases I actually found the right people. Some stories are mixed...but we'll see how much I changed your lives by the others out there who have your name...

BETSY TUBBS: Betsy Tubbs, CPRP Recreation Supervisor (Aquatics & Athletics) "This day and age when everyone is going every which way, it’s nice to have something everyone can do,” said Betsy Tubbs, Recreation Supervisor. Berryman had married a Betsy Tubbs and had one son Wiley McDonald Sanders (that was all in the same sentence...too many last names... :)

Vivian Pantoja: 6 Winners in "Name The Baby Contest"
On Thursday night, January 15, 2004 at approximately 10:00 PM, we were blessed with a new baby pony! "Star" gave birth to a healthy bouncing baby boy. Comet is gorgeous! We would like to congratulate Michelle Fehr, Vivian Pantoja, Chrystyne Novack, Cathy Basye, Ashley E, and Ann Hiller who all choose the name "Comet".

Jamie Bloyd: (Jamie, how often do youi get this???) Did you mean: Jamie Boyd

Kristy Hall: (so this is what Kristy really does) Kristy Hall The University of Auckland Masters Student School of Geography and Environmental Science. 2000 Women's Golf Championships, Hall finishes 31st NCAA-II Championships. THIRD ANNUAL GREAT LAKES VALLEY!

Jaimeson Parris: of ambassadors are comprised of two returning ones — Jan Harriott and Katie Magee — and three new ones — Eric Stephens, John Letoto and Jaimeson Parris. ...THE FORERUNNER by Jaimeson Parris Eleven years ago, the catalytic lane created four main principles to help steer the ministry in an ...Culinary Arts, Secondary - Jaimeson Parris (CIT). Jaimeson! You are all over the stinkin internet...those were within the first 5 after I googled your name!!

Chris Bosson: Chris Bosson bought a low-mileage Yamaha TZR50, stripped it to the last nut and bolt, and rebuilt it using a Yamaha YZF gearbox...Buzzard Bylines Archive, 1979...Christopher James Bosson, March 28, 1977 to Allan & Cindy ...We brought Christopher (2 in March) home to the States in April-June last year to meet the family and many friends. After 5 yrs. in NZ, it was somewhat like arriving in a foreign country. Allan is starting his fourth year as assoc. pastor. The church is growing and God continues to bless the work--we've learned so much. Our second child is due Mar 16...Bosson lyrics. ... Bosson lyrics. View all Bosson songs in alphabetical order ...

Michael Kamber: Michael Kamber was born in Harpswell, Maine in 1963...Michael Kamber - The Digital Journalist...Michael Kamber spent 2003 photographing for the New York Times in West Africa and the Middle East, covering wars in the Ivory Coast, the Congo, ...

Christine Hnat: Part-Time Dean's List Spring 2004...Christine Hnat...(apparently anything I could put here, already exists in Christine's blog...so check it out...its awesome...www.christinehant.blogspot.com) You like the plug?

Dawn Wishon: Mormon Info - Testimonies - Dawn Wishon
A Christian site that focuses on current events and other information related to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS, Mormon)...Wishon, Dawn, Boyce Bible College. Graffco gas pumps...Dawn Wishon - Sales...dwishon@graffco.com..

Who knew what different, yet similar lives we live?

not sure what I am thinkin!

2006-03-10T00:09:00.000-05:00

I am really not sure where my head is these days. I am going insane with thoughts and ideas, and the desires of my heart. I am praying that these desires, if not the will of God, would cease to exist. However, they are not non-existent yet! Anyway, I am seeking some godly counsel in the morning. I need one more persons opinion.

I am sad that I can not seem to come to a place of being content. And if not content, then seeing myself for who I am in Christ. Anyway, please being praying for me. Until next time...

Breakthrough!!!

2006-03-08T19:43:00.000-05:00

I was able to play raquettball today! YESSSSS!!!! It was awesome. I played with my roommate Betsy! It was amazing! I can't wait to play again...I have had the "I-can't-play-raquettball-because-my-foot-got-beat-up blues" the past couple weeks. Anyway, Jaimeson, Iknow you read this, I didn't know if you knew that you could comment on this stinker, but you can! In case, in the event that you have something to comment on. Maybe, someday when I write something that is worth commenting on.

Anyway...life is good...I still haven't fixed the lie situation, but I am still working on it. Other than that, life is good. Nothing new going on. Sad day...maybe one of these days!!! Hopefully. Anyway, well, since this is really boring...I will go...til next time...

ps...anyone want to play raquettball? Give me a call or shoot me an email!!! I am totally up to it!!

you have to watch this

2006-03-08T15:38:00.000-05:00

http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

I am such a chicken!

2006-03-08T00:58:00.000-05:00

I know some of you...well probably the majority of you...who am I kiddin no one reads this thing. In the event that you do, most likely you are wondering about this lie thing. Well, to be honest, I am too. I don't know why I did it. It is actually a more funny thing than it is a serious thing...even though a lie is a lie...but however, I am in the process of trying to get it fixed still. Most likely I won't post the situation on here, just pray that I am not a big chicken and fess up...

I lied,,,,

2006-03-03T22:24:00.000-05:00

but I am thinking of ways to...well...un-lie.... hahahahahaha

yeah...

2006-03-02T13:28:00.000-05:00

I lied...definitly lied.

I lied...

2006-03-02T13:27:00.000-05:00

that's it.

Oh my goodness

2006-02-25T20:16:00.001-05:00

I am at work...its Sat. therefore I am here from 9 am to 9 pm. It is 8:15 and I think I am gonna go insane!!! I want to go home...or out...or something...I don't care where...ok maybe I somewhat care, but really I just want to be free from my duties...anyway...more later

YUCK!!!

2006-02-24T18:23:00.000-05:00

I hate being on crutches! It is sooo stinkin in convenient or however you spell that stupid word! Hahahaha. Anyway...I hurt it again today because the screw fell out of the bottom of one of the crutches and it bent and I didn't fall but I landed wrong on my bad foot to get my balance! Yeah...what in the world. I want to play raquettball for pete sake! Now, I for sure can't play for a while. Anyway. Please pray my foot heals...quickly...so I can exercise again. I really like it and it is fun, and I mostly like playing raquettball! AHHH!

later

Love Hurts

2006-02-23T12:23:00.000-05:00

So as you all know, or should know, by now, I have discovered a new love. Raquettball...well...on Tuesday while I was playing I was a little less than attentive and not really in a very good mood...and I was thinking raquettball was giong to cure it...NOPE!!! Wrong!!!!

Raquettball and I got into a little fight...he pushed me on the floor and BAM! my ankle is sprang, and furthermore (Vivian that word was for you...) my ankle looks like a balloon, and I am faced to walk on crutches! What in the world??? Love hurts...now I can't play until at least next Tues, and I am going to DOMINATE! It will be fun...Raquetball and I will reconcile our relationship one of these days...but as I sit here all by myself and can't walk...I will be bitter... Is it a sin to be bitter against a sport? I mean he pushed me first...hahahahaha

Why?

2006-02-21T18:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever done something, or thought something that was just all out dumb? I sure did today! Not only do I realize how dumb I was about it...I actually got mad at myself! It wasn't anything "bad" per se. I just seemed to have misunderstood myself and other people! What was I thinking? This is all I have been asking myself all day! What in the world? Anyway...sorry I can't expound on the situation...I just needed to vent my frustrations with myself! I get on my nerves SOOO stinkin bad! I hate it. Anyway...please pray for me...guidence is necessary...and a change of heart vital!!!

what in the world?

2006-02-18T16:02:00.000-05:00

I was reading a blog from a long time ago entitled butterflies...I remember exactly who I was talking about and what I was feeling...why in the world did I say one day I will meet him? I knew exactly who he was...anyway...I guess it was just because I was being overly guarded...I dunno. Anyway...those butterflies, wow...sometimes I wonder about myself...hahahaha.

This one is for Viv...

2006-02-17T19:35:00.000-05:00

It is an unfortunate thing that you can't check myspace anymore...anyway...

I had a great day today even though it started with Ancient Near Eastern History at 8:30 in the freakin mornin! However, Ty and Michael are in there so they make it much more pleasant...

Next, I found a new love....Michael and I played racket ball today...I could play racket ball every day of my life if I knew someone that would play. Michael has played 2 times now and I think he is sick of it. Ah well...he's a trooper! He may hang in there a couple more games. If any of you are interested please tell me! I would love to play. I am not very good, but I like to try and mostly to have fun!!!

Anyway...so then I went to work, and here I sit. John Bunyan's Pilgrams progress was putting me to sleep so I had to put it away...It is an unfortunate thing that I am so bored by that book. It seems as if I could learn a lot from it. I think the concept is cool, and I think that if someone read it to me it might be more interesting...any takers? Viv- you said you wanted to read it again...mind starting at page 75?

I have been thinking a lot about life lately and how we just don't know what is going to happen...I was thinking about God and how in the world does he keep everyone's life in order? That is why he is much more than we could ever fathom. Praying about a few things that have been (unusually) on my mind the past week. A lot about loyalty, patience, and trust. One thing I have been asking myself latley is, do I believe God answers prayer? Yes. But the deeper question is, do I believe that God can answer a prayer according to the desires of my heart. I mean obviously those desires would have to coincide with his desires, but I ask myself, what do you believe God for? I think about the things that I desire and then ask myself, do you believe that God can or even would give you those things? I'll leave it there...I have no further thinking on this subject...

I can't wait to talk to Angie on Tuesday. I really want and need to spill over some of these things going on in my head. That for whatever reason I can not communicate. I have tried and failed miserably. I am not sure if its just that I am not communicating it to the right people or even, in particular the right person. There are many things going on in my heart at the moment. Things that normally seem so small and insignificant, have enlarged a great deal and seem to require a lot of my attention. Careful thought. Prayer. Understanding. And above all, the thing I lack the most, patience.

I have seen latley my lack in the area of discernment. I can't tell when to hold back and when to push forward. I can't tell when the Holy Spirit is talking to me and when I am talking to myself. It is a scarey thought actually. I desire to hear and follow the voice of God, but I, for whatever reason, have a hard time either hearing him at the onset, or second guessing myself, and thinking its just me when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. Or it is just me, and I surely don't want to listen to my self with out the instruction of Christ.

I read C.J. mahaney's Cross Centered Life, and in there he talks about how we need to stop listening to ourselves, get our own attention, and start talking to ourselves about the truth's of God and who we are to him. That is what really gets me. Believing in myself from God's view point. I need to start telling myself to see myself as God sees me and strive to be the person He created me to be. I believe this plays into discernment...if I am speaking God truths to myself, then I am speaking from the God breathed, God inspired Word, therefore my discernment has to be from the Holy Spirit Himself. Maybe? Am I close? (See what I mean???)

Well, this is probably the longest blog I have written in a while...so I will retire here...pray for me my dear friends that I will hear the word of the Lord soon...I pray that I will trust in the Lord my God with all my heart more often. That I will lean on my own understanding less often, and in all my ways acknowlege him and not ignore him as he directs my path. Lord grant me wisdom and direction in the way life carries me. Help me to trust you more. Amen.

Hello...

2006-02-15T16:47:00.000-05:00

YAY! Valentines Day is over...only 364 more days til I have to face it again...On a lighter note, I hope everyone had a blessed day...I kept busy, went to class, played racket ball with Michael...did homework...went to class again...worked out again...it was a busy day!! :) Hope everyone has a blessed day today and be blessed for the rest of the week...

Can I be bitter for a day?

2006-02-13T18:51:00.000-05:00

Can I just say I HATE V-Day? I was just at the grocery store and all these guys were getting roses for their special someone...and here I am THE ONLY GIRL in line buying CARNATIONS for my ROOMATES!!! (Not that I didn't take all the joy in the world in doing it...) I just HATE V-Day! Would I like it if I were dating someone? I don't know...if I were dating someone I don't think I would believe them that they were diong something...I don't think it would be real to me and I don't think that I would take them seriously the first few times!!! (After a while I would probably get used to it, but I think V-Day would be a complete JOKE the first few times)

So tomorrow I will go to class and try to act normal...however the Boyce Bridal College will be INFESTED with cute couples and girls with roses and probably engagement ring AHOY! I will come home tomorrow with NO ROSES...NO RING...and most definitly NO BOYFRIEND...what a sad day! Wednesday will be glorious...I will have 364 days until I have to face this evil holiday again...

So here I sit listening to Christmas music, trying to focus on a holiday that isn't so exclusive...Christmas is for everyone who wants to participate. I'll focus on that for the next 30 hours or so...

Something happened...but what?

2006-02-11T15:03:00.000-05:00

So, as many of you know I have been praying about a certain relationship situation, and as I have been praying the more content I have been with settling for God's will and not my own. So as I am thinking about this to myself...

"Hey Dawn!" (God says), what if this is not who I have for you? Will you still be content with my will?

"Well, sure. I mean I will be kinda disappointed, but you know what my future holds and I can only see what's happening now."

"How patient are you willing to be, as I unfold the plan I have for you?"

"Well Lord, you created me, which means you are very well informed of my impatience."

"You really need to work on that."

"I know..." (shamefully)

"But will you be ok with this not being the guy?"

Knowing that no matter what answer I give, God will do what he is going to do, but I know that what God is looking for is "Are you going to be ok with just me."

I think I am on the brink of an answered prayer. I won't put God on a time line, but I said in the beginning that I would see what happens by March, so I'll see...maybe by March God will say yes, no, or wait just a little longer.

Another bump in the road has shown forth it's ugly head, however, it could turn positive. My way of thinking was changed and now I am left to pray about this little bump, and see what its purpose was. It has a purpose, I know it does, but what is it?

Praying with intent...

2006-02-08T19:52:00.000-05:00

I am praying with the intentions of God having his will and his way in this situation. I have gone around in circles trying to figure out what to do. I know that the Lord knows the outcome so I am just trusting him to guide me down a road that has an unknown (to me) end. I have been going around in circles with possibilities. Part of me wants to write an email (because to say it in person would be to embarassing and to write a letter would take to long) but write an email and say "Hey,you! Guy I really like! I am trying to plan the rest of my life! Are you in or out? Are you game? Til death do us part? Same nursing home? eh eh? Sounds good huh? Let's do it! By the way...you are at least a little interested in me right?" That would be my impatience speaking out LOUD AND CLEAR! However...that is not how that game is going to be played!!!! However...I would like to know a little bit about where we stand...how do I do that without saying "hey are we on the same page...or are you in the table of contents and I'm stuck back here in the index?" Anyway...again reminding myself that God knows where I am, and God knows where he is and that's all that matters. If we end up on the same page GREAT! If not, well such is the plan of Lord and blessed be his name! He knows what is best. I need to rest in that. I know he loves me and will do what pleases him and I will be satisfied with whatever he brings to pass....Blessed be the name of the Lord, My Savior, Jesus Christ.

Waiting patiently

2006-02-02T17:38:00.000-05:00

I think I said that I would say something if, by march, if nothing had been said. It isn't march yet folks...why did I give in? The thing is, I am still contemplating the situation. The guy has no clue, however, if he were to find out it probably wouldn't surprise him.

I am really praying about this situation. It is a little different thatn most situations. It's not your usual see how the guy acts around you type thing. This guy is different. Careful in ways. I've known him for a while now, a little over 2 years, and he's amazing! He loves the Lord, has a heart for what God has called him to do. Everything he says and does has to result in God's glory or no glory! He is awesome! I continue to feel at times, still not good enough. Why? I am not sure. I just feel like he deserves someone great! Someone that amazes him every day, a girl that will blow him away with her smile, prays for him daily, and is willing to go whatever place God may call him to, whether it be here, overseas, where ever. What I am supposed to do now? Wait. Be his friend, encourage him daily or at least weekly, encourage him in his walk with the Lord, pray for him, and pray that what ever God brings about between the two of us would be his will.

Until next time...

the party ain't over

2006-01-31T17:29:00.000-05:00

ckhnat said...
oh well THAT does it! (flayling arms up in the air) cat's out of the bag. we can all go home now. party's over!

This party isn't over yet until someone can tell me the outcome. However, unless you are one of those who know who it is, and even if you do know who it is, there is no way you can tell me that.

So no fear you party people, namely Christine, there is still adventure yet to come! Who knows what lies ahead...

until next time, ya'll be praying for me!

I finally did it!

2006-01-20T17:35:00.000-05:00

I cracked...gave in...spilled it...I have released the name of my mystery guy! For those of you who read this and know who it is, I would appreciate you not giving any hints or names...thanks!

The problem: I have asked myself this question, and I am left wondering what in the world I am thinking! Nothing can be done about it right now, and on top of that my lack of self esteem continues to take over; I am not good enough.

Glitch: not only have I let the cat out of the bag, I think I have taken a little appreciation to someone else. (problem 2...same as problem 1)

What is my deal? I really want to be in a relationship. Why? Because I want to be very active in ministry. This is hard to do when you are single, and even harder when you are single, and a woman. Not only do I feel impatient, but I also have a lack of faith. The big challange of my life; will God provide for me a husband in order to start this ministry? People say I am still young, and this I am, but I would rather be young for most of my marriage and family experience. I really don't want to throw a frisbee to my kids and then trip over the walker I was givin at the nursing home! :) What a thought! Anyway...so potentials...there are some...some of which deserve far greater than me. And the after thought, if every guy deserves far greater than me, then what do I deserve? And the guy I marry? Hmmm something to think about...

Jesus once said to his disciples that they couldn't accomplish some task because they had to little of faith, that they only needed the faith of a mustard seed! How much faith do I have then in what I know the Lord wants me to accomplish? I only need the faith of a little bitty mustard seed and I could accomplish a lot! Again, how much faith do I have and if its only a little what am I going to do with it/

Me...

2006-01-20T00:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I have had an interesting few weeks. I have come to realize where I am spiritually, and have also come to recognize that who I really am requires Jesus. While my quiet times with the Lord have not been in any way consistent except for the fact that they have been consistently non-existent, this has proven a life style for me that I do not like. I am depressed, and I take it out on the world around me.

About a week ago...I started having a consistent QT. I love it!!! I remembered how when I am consistent, how much joy I get in spending time with the Lord! I feel better all around. I feel motivated to live for Christ. I want every aspect of my life to reflect that motivation. I feel like I actually live that abundant life that was given to me at the time I received salvation! Jesus is amazing and working in my life to show me once again how awesome and amazing he is!

Just thinking...

2006-01-10T01:14:00.000-05:00

What if...

1. What if all of a sudden a day went by that I didn't think I wanted to be someone else?

2. What if one day I woke up and I had all the right clothes?

3. What if one day I realized that I was finally at my perfect body weight?

4. What if one day I was finally everything I ever wanted to be and had no complaints concerning myself?

5. What if one day all of my money problems were solved and I never had to pay another bill ever again?

6. What if someone came up to me and said every bit of my school debt was paid off including any schooling I would have after I finish college?

7. What if the perfect man came around and loved me for who I am...he is the one?

If all of this happened...if all of this was exactly how I wanted it to be...would I be the same person? I wonder? ....

Update

2006-01-04T14:11:00.000-05:00

First, I would like to apologize to all of my faithful readers. All 2 of you! (If there I more again, I apologize). I have been so busy this month and have neglected to keep up with this silly thing. Sorry, so here it is a month worth of updates...

First, I went to Georgia to spend Christmas with my dad and my brother. I was awesome. It was really busy. I worked a lot with them and we had banquets and conferences, and hundreds of people to feed almost everyday!

We had an ice storm. 2 days we went without electricity, and heat, and hot water. We were surrounded by iced over falling trees hoping that they wouldn't fall on our house. It all started early on Thursday Morning...6 am...(I know this already sounds false because I said I was up at 6 am. Well I was...so there!) Anyway...I was freezing and it was pitch black. I went back to sleep knowing that it would be back on by the time I woke up. I woke up again around 8:30 and it was still off. Now I knew something was wrong. GA Power was always good to get our power back on quickly. Little did I know that they had already been working for hours all over North GA because of the power outage caused by this unexpected ice storm. My dad and I dressed and began helping our maintenance crew cut and remove the trees from ice covered conference center. The faster we moved them the faster they fell. Finally we realized after almost get hitting by one, that it was time to head south for the winter. Before doing so we made soup and corn bread for our volunteer fire fighters who were helping our city remove all the mess. The next day we decided to head to South carolina for the day because we were still w/out. We kept ourselves busy and then finally, around midnight, we had heat and power. Dad and I had sat on the couch under layers of blankets and we were thankful when we were able to begin the process of heating up! All this in the span of one week.

Christmas was good. Lots of good gift giving. I loved it. I bought my brother something he liked...miracles always happen at Christmas. My dad liked his gifts too. Anyway, I love my gifts. It was a good Christmas just the three of us. We saw King Kong (PLUG: GO SEE IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!!!) Anyway...

So here I am now...by in good ol' L-ville, Ky! I am homesick! I want to go back home! Anyway...all will be better when school starts! Anyway...hopefully I didn't leave anything out! Anyway...I hope to talk to you all soon!

Happy New Year!

What on Earth am I thinking?

2005-12-09T20:30:00.000-05:00

I had 6 and a half hours today to think about something constructive. I failed. I thought about everything and nothing at the same time. I thought about my money situation. I thought about school. I thought about my mystery guy and I prayed that the Lord would keep him safe, grow him, and continue you turning him into the man that God desries for him to be. I thought about my church situation and how glad I am that I am finally able to move on. All of these wonderful things, but realizing that I could have thought and focused a lot more on what God wants me to do with my life. Where does he want me to go? How can I grow closer to him? In what ways can I better encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ? I hope that next time I have have that much time, I improve the use of that time.

My mystery guy and my contentness in being single(oxymoron maybe?)

2005-12-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

yet again I have been asked (by different people) who this mystery guy is. Well, I am still not letting the cat out of the bag. I am interested myself to see where this is going to go. I think for right now, strangely, I don't want it to go anywhere. I was thinking to myself that I am perfectly fine where I am. Single. I like being able to do what I want to do and go where I want to go when I want to. To say the least, I am not happy with the way I look, but for all my life I've wanted to change the way I look just to impress the guys that I am interested in. I have reached a point where I am sick of doing that. I just want to be me. If I am ever to loose weight it will be for me and not some silly guy that I want to impress. Unfortunatley, I have been playing that game a long time, and realize they probably wouldn't like me even if I were smaller. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I am ok being single, for real, for the first time in my life. If God desires for me to be married, I am totally ok with that. If not, well, I will teach in an Elementary Kindergarden class or become a nanny for my own fulfillment of having kids, and not being able to have them on my own.
Do you have to be called to celebacy in oder to know you will be single for the rest of your life. Yes, but I don't feel called to celebacy, I just feel called to singleness for right now. Hopefully God will place an amazing man in my path for me to marry. I don't know when, and I don't know who, or how, but hopefully someday he'll come.
As I look around at different dating relationships that have gone bad, are bad, and have just ceased to exist I remember the hurt of my last relationship. I don't care to go through that again. The next time I date someone I want it to be for forever. I don't want another break up ever in my life.
On the fun side: My mystery guy is great. We'll see where God leads us and where he would have us to go. Who knows...

1 month til Christmas!

2005-11-25T19:45:00.000-05:00

Well, Turkey Day is over...now we start Christmas. My favorite holiday ever. I really love this season between and including Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love Christmas trees and Christmas Carols. I love all the lights, the cold weather, the snow. I love the egg nog and pumpkin pie. I mostly love the thought of sharing the holidays with my family. This year is kinda slim, but I know I will love every second of it. I spent Thanksgiving with my mom and my brother, and I will spend Christmas with my dad and my brother. Thanksgiving was great. I am glad my mom was able to KY and see where I live, and work, and meet the many people that I spend my life with. This Christmas will be a little harder though. We normally spend Christmas in Colorado with the rest of my family, but we are unable to go this year. We'll have fun, just the 3 of us, but I will miss seeing my family.

Family is one thing that is most important to me. The longer I am in the state of Ky by myself the harder it gets. I have been blessed however by the Watts' and the Neals' who have greatly made me feel apart of their family. Even though in Christ we truly are family, they also temporarly fill that void, and emptiness I feel being away from my real family. Diana always gives me that tough love that I need, she is honest and sincere and always tells me what I need to hear. Kyle, who is almost exactly like my own father, never fails to make me feel just as loved as his own 2 daughters whether it's a great big hug at church first thing, or by picking on me until I can't stand it anymore. Kristin is my close in age sister I have always wanted. I love our times of staying up late and talking. I love that she encourages me and looks out for me. I absolutly adore her enthusiam that she has for Christ, and her passion for what she wants to do in the future. Kasie...well...she and I don't see each other very much, but I still love her very much. Kasie and I tend to give each other a hard time about things. She's always on the run, and maybe one day she and I will both slow down long enough to get to know each other like I would like. Ty seems more like the big brother I've always wanted. He looks out for me and always seems to know what kind of mood I am in. He always knows what to say and when to say it. Angie, like Diana, continues to teach me about life. She is kind and gentle, and takes every advantage to teach me another one of life's lessons. Tatum, Kenzie, and Ian are like the baby sisters and brother that I've always wanted. I have always wanted really little brothers and sisters to look out for and spoil and have fun with. I love being around Tatum and Kenzie, and looking intheir eyes and seeing that I have made at least some sort of impact on their life. I love how Kenzie gets so excited to tell me funny stories, and I love watching her laugh as she is telling me. I love when Tatum just loves on me. I could just love on her all day. She is only 7, but she has said things to encourage me that have blown me away coming from a 7 year old. I admire also her love for her family. Ian isn't that old, but my heart fills with joy every time he smiles at me. He reminds me in his own little way of how precious life is.

I am so thankful for these people and I praise the Lord that He has placed them in my life. I know he will bless them for all that they do!

Almost Turkey Day!

2005-11-21T18:22:00.001-05:00

Well, it's almost Thanksgiving. My mom will be here tomorrow, and my brother will be here on Wednesday. This is my first hosted Turkey Day and I am super excited! I have so much to do before my family gets here. I still have to clean and go grocery shopping, and on top of all that I am sick! Kinda stinks.

Well, not to much to write today! Just Happy Turkey Day!

Butterfly Response

2005-11-19T19:37:00.000-05:00

I have had many people ask me this week about who the lucky guy was that was causing the fluttering in my stomach. I still have yet to cave and I will not cave. I have been tempted to cave, however, when I think about what might possibly happen if I caved...it helps me to be strong!

The next reponse was "you haven't met him yet?!" Due to the last statement in that entry. I think I was just typing there. I definitly know who this person is. I have talked with him and I have spent time with him in many different situations. He is amazing to his family and friends. He is very active in his church and takes as many evangelistic opportunitiesas he can. He has a heart of gold. I think what I struggle with most is that I want someone exactly like my dad. He is very close, closer than any guy I have ever met. He is encouraging, faithful, loyal, loving, supportive, strong, helpful, kind, caring, generous, attractive, and the list goes on. Anyway, all that to say this: Disregaurd that last stament about me meeting him one day. I already know him. I might have been thinking if it wasn't who I want it to be, then maybe one day I will meet someone exactly like him.

Anyway, I am glad that my friends are interested in who I am inquiring about, however, I am still going to keep my lips zipped. I have a time limit on it. If nothing becomes of it by March then I am officially going to let it go. I am praying about this and praying that God would guard my heart and his. I am praying that God would continue to use him and guide him. I pray that we would be praying about our futures and bring us together if that be the case.

Please keep praying for me, and asking about this. It will help me to continue to keep my heart guarded.

Cotton Patch

2005-11-18T11:54:00.000-05:00

So...it was the middle of the night. I had just signed off aol instant messenger. I finished up a paper I was typing, grabbed my cat and my phone that I use for an alarm clock and we headed to bed. Right as I got tucked in, warm, and closed my eyes, my phone rang. It was my good friend Michael. So we talked for a little bit, helped him with a paper...Then all of a sudden...He read me the worst translation of the Bible EVER! However, at 2:30 AM anything is funny! This was RIDICULOUS. Michael and I have the privilege of attending Bible College so we get to take fun courses like HERMENEUTICS, that teaches you how to accurately interpret the Bible. For this particular version, you definitely don't have to go to Bible College, nor do you have to be a Bible Scholar to find out quickly that this version of the Bible is more than imperfect. I wonder sometimes as people translate the Bible if they are ever nervous that they are going to translate something wrong, or interpret something wrong that might influence someone eternally. I can say with confidence the author and version that I am going to share with you probably didn't even think about it. It's just too ridiculous.

If you have grown up in America, you know the Christmas Story whether you are a Christian and go to church or not. The Nativity scene is in every Wal-Mart, smart, and department store across the nation. We all know that Jesus was born in Bethlehem, he grew up in Nazareth, and was born to save us from our sins. He was King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Let me shake your foundation for a second!

Matthew Chapter 1

1.
[The first seventeen verses of Matthew consists of Jesus' family tree. Since this purely historical material has already been well translated, and because nothing would be gained by merely modernizing the names, we are omitting it.] - cj
18. The beginning of Jesus the Leader was like this: While his mama, Mary, was engaged to Joseph, but before they had relations, she was made pregnant by the Holy Spirit. Since Joseph, her fianceÂ´, was a considerate man and didn't want to make a public scandal, he decided to quietly break up with her. As he was wondering about the whole situation, a messenger from the Lord came to him in a dream and said, "Joe Davidson, don't be ashamed to marry Mary, because the Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. Now she'll give birth to a boy, who you'll name Jesus,1 because he will deliver his nation from their errors."
22. This whole event was the completion of what the Lord had said through the prophet: "Listen, a young lady will get pregnant and give birth to a boy, and they'll name him 'God-is-with-us.' "
24. Then Joseph woke up and did as the Lord's messenger had directedÂhe married the girl. But he didn't sleep with her until she had her baby. And he did name it Jesus.
Matthew 2.
1. When Jesus was born in Gainesville, Georgia during the time thaheardod was governor, some scholars from the Orient came to Atlanta and inquired, "Where is the one who was born to be governor of Georgia? We saw his star in the Orient, and we came to honor him." This news put Governor Herod and all his cronies in a tizzy. So he called a meeting of the big time preachers and politicians, and asked if they had any idea where the Leader was to be born. In Gainesville, Georgia," the replied, "because there's a bible prophecy which says:
'And you Gainesville, in the state of Georgia, Are by no means the least in the Georgia delegation; From you will come a governor, Who will wisely guide my chosen people.' "
So...Who is the person that did this? His name is Clarence Jordan...here is a brief history...
Both a Biblical scholar and a prophetic man of action,
Clarence Jordan lived out the New Testament in the soil of rural Georgia. A
visionary during the struggle for the civil rights of all God's children, he
founded an inter-racial community called Koinonia. On this farm, folks worked
side-by-side to make a living, following Jesus - a radical concept fifty years
ago. They experienced a great deal of opposition, even from those who followed
the same Lord. This community still exists, Koinonia Partners,
even though the visionary who started it died unexpectedly on October 29, 1969,
at the age of
fifty-seven.

Clarence was a powerful preacher - "direct, Bible-centered, and sternly
contemporary," as Edward A. Mcdowell, Jr. put it. "He spoke with the
earthiness of Amos of Tekoa, the boldness of Jeremiah, but often with the
tenderness of Hosea. There was something in Clarence of the asceticism and
gentleness of Saint Francis of Assisi but he never deserted the contemporary
scene and spoke and wrote with the dogged determination of Martin Luther." When
he preached, Clarence would write his own translation of a scripture he wanted
to use. "Only gradually did he realize he had hit upon a style of translation
that brought the Word to the reader with a new contemporary power," McDowell wrote. "As time went by, he completed individual
books of the New Testament which were widely circulated in pamphlet form. But
eventually he had done enough to be able to publish The Cotton Patch Version of
Paul' s Epistles.
So that's a wrap folks. There you have it...for more visit...
http://rockhay.tripod.com/cottonpatch/
keep in mind...this is not a real translation...
ps...please do not preach from, study from, or have a quiet time with this translation. :) :) :)

The Wonderful Word!

2005-11-14T13:31:00.000-05:00

I was reading my wonderful Bible last night in Jeremiah, and read this passage on repentance. I came to the conclusion that there was a lot of sin in my life that I needed to repent of. I am so eager to pray for other people and their needs, which I think is good, however, I have to be concerned about the sin in my own life. I was so thankful for what I learned from Jeremiah last night. The Lord says that he will not stay angry forever as long as we admit our transgressions. When we admit those things we will be forgiven.

In the sermon yesterday, the pastor talked about the anger of God, and the fear of God. In an instant the holy Spirit has illumined me that unrepentant sin and the anger and fear of God all ties in together. Sin makes God angry, and we should fear him, respectfully, knowing that it is by his grace that we are saved and can be forgiven.

After repenting of sin we can bask in the mercy and forgiveness of God. Not forgetting, however, that there are consequences for sin and God is just. He does forgive, and we can be thankful for that.

Butterflies!

2005-11-12T15:31:00.000-05:00

Oh man...remember in high school when you would pass by that really cute guy and he'd actually say hello? Your heart would melt and you couldn't speak? So, that's how I feel right now...you know how just the thought of that person makes you melt? Your face gets all red, you get those little butterflies in your stomach. Your palms get all sweaty, and you just don't know what to do with yourself...hmmm....don't know what to do with that situation. It's kinda silly actually...I shouldn't even be bothering with it, however there is something intriguing about this person that makes me want to know more about him. I feel like I know him a little bit, but I want to know him more. Amazing man of God he is. Maybe I'll meet him someday soon!

I want flowers!

2005-11-11T19:46:00.001-05:00

What the heck is my problem? I think I am going trough a stinkin I want a boyfriend phase. It's kinda fun though. I have gone a little while now without having a crush on anyone, and I forget how fun it was. I have always been one to tell when I am crushin on someone...this time...shhhhh not telling. I think its even more fun not to tell anyone.

Outside of having a crush on someone, I am realizing more and more that there are several things that I have not considered when getting into a relationship that I want to end in marriage. MONEY! I am so stinkin' financially irresponsible its not even funny. I am getting better, but I need to work a little harder. I can't be in a relationship with someone...especially a marriage relationship, when money is already a big issue. Money is one of the biggest issues that arises when marriages go sour and then end in divorce. I DO NOT WANT TO BE PART OF THAT STATISTIC!

So, I guess I am more optimistic about relationships, someone that I love and respect write me an email the other day concerning what I said in my blog about me not getting married for different reasons. She helped me to understand and remember that God is in control! He is amazing and I know whoever he has for me will be AMAZING! I think for right now my only thought is...I WANT FLOWERS!!! Pretty flowers! I have a lot to learn that's for sure.

When will I fall in love?

2005-11-07T18:50:00.000-05:00

I just wonder what he will be like? Christ-like FOR SURE! And exactly like my dad! Sure my dad isn't perfect, but he's the best dad in the world! I don't know why I am in such a hurry to fall in love and get married. I could be taking advantage of so many things in my singleness! Hmmm...things I can't do if I were married...

Have slumber parties...
Have my own bed... (I like my space)
Worry about interfering with his sceduale
just pick up and go whenever I want to
cook when I want to, not when commanded too (LOL)
make decisions on my own
can hang out with other guys whenever I want to

so thats a little encouraging...I also like to think that there are things that God wants me to accomplish in my singleness that I would not be able to accomplish if I were married. I know those things will come. Well...maybe someday I will fall on love, but for now I am going to focus on falling more in love with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is what sustains me. He fills the void and will never fail me unlike man. (mankind) Jesus will never fail me or break my heart. He is amazing and the standard by which I should comapre any and all potential guys that I would date or more importantly marry. I am going to keep my chin up, and focus on my relationship with God and making myself attractive from the insideout!

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Not to hurt you, not to hard you, but to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

Waiting patiently with doubts

2005-11-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

So I began thinking a lot this weekend, about what the Lord might have for me. We had a young adult retreat this weekenf and our speakers spoke a lot about dating and marriage. I thought long and hard about what they talked about. I realized that I know and understad all that. I just can't apply it all until I start dating someone and get married. Then the thought crossed my mind, what if I never get married?Do I feel called to celibacy? No. Do I feel like I will have a choice? No. and again, I don't think I understand why God made guys so visual, and myself so unpleasent to look at. I know what the Bible says about the way we see ourselves, and how we should be more concerned about winning them over by our humbleness and sweeet spirit. However, I feel like they won't look past the physical. You have to look at the outside first to see the inside. Anyway, I guess it's just a matter of me getting used to being single, and continuing to be contenet with that. I am ok if God calls me to singleness bu t I only feel like I am going to be single because of my looks. AH, I guess I really shouldn't be posting this on here. Someone might read think I am absolutley pitiful. I am just so sick of being the girl that guys talk to relationships with other girls instead of a relationship with me. I am always that girl who gives the guys all the advice in the world, however, none of them actually want to pursue me. Maybe one day...as for right now...I will continue to do what I am doing, Pursuing my God and my King, and maybe one day he will provide a husband for me.

EKG

2005-10-24T12:51:00.000-04:00

I think God was doing an EKG on my heart. My church is going through a rough time right now. A lot of things are going to change in HUGE ways in the next few months. Mt heart aches for this church. A church is to be a functining God breathing, Jesus loving, church. This is not the best example if one of those. Most of the time people are so concerned about so many little things that they have missed the mark completely. Feeding the flock. Unfortuantley for this church it may be too late. Many are fed up with the lack of spiritual discipline within the church and they are leaving. When does God, if he does, take his hand off of a church, and discontinue his blessings?

I was reminded last night of the story of Hosea. Although Gomer was unfaithful, Hosea still remained faithful and still pursued her. God is merciful, and loving, but he is also just. I read in 1 Samuel 3 a similar situation. The Lord tells Samuel that things are going to happen and t hey are not going to be good. He is going to judge. They thought every thing was fine. Everything looked ok on the outside, but underneath the surface, something huge was getting ready to explode.

I know for myself the decision that needs to be made, however, I can't help but be saddened by this church and the condition that it is in. What will it take, and how long will it before God's full judgement falls upon this church? Is it too late for them to seek repentance and hope?

I am not very good at this!

2005-10-21T15:33:00.000-04:00

I am not very good at keeping up with this thing. I think I would if more exciting things happened in my life. The only thing exciting, but not fun was my near death experience this morning. I woke up because I couldn't breath! It was scary. I thought I was going to passout and die. It almost felt like a heart attack. Not that I know what one feels like, but I bet that was similar.

Anyway. Maybe something else exciting will happen today...I could win a million dollars...maybe meet prince charming...

Yeah, ok...wishful thinking. Anyway. Well...I hope everyone has a beautiful day!

Search for peace!

2005-10-12T13:51:00.000-04:00

I am on a search for peace about different areas of my life. I am beginning to get anxious for a plan. I want a plan for the rest of my life. What will I do with my degree when I get? Possibly, at the rate I am going, I'll go straight to the nursing home. :) Will I ever get married? Where am I going to live? What will I do? How many lives will I touch with God's great love? Why am I so anxious? Why do I feel like I will be doing the same thing I am doing now for the next 50 years? I feel like my life will never change. What it boils down to is this...am I trusting in God's great plan for this life he has chosen for me to live?

He has something great for me, and I will trust, and obey, and not be anxious for anything, but by prayer and supplication present my requests to him. I desire his will for my life. I desire a husband, and I desire a ministry with college students and or Mormons? I don't know. Whatever God has for me, he will show me when he seees that I am ready. Whatever it is it will be awesome and perfect because it will be God's perfect will for my life!

Lord Jesus, strengthen my heart and make me whole. Please help me to be satisfied in you and what you have me doing right now. Show me areas of service for you right now in my singleness and while I am not caught up with anyhing else that would hinder my walk with you or furthering your kingdom right now! I ask and pray all these things in Jesus Name. Amen.

I HAVE A PLAN!

2005-10-10T19:22:00.000-04:00

So I decided today that I will finally get my Bachlor's Degree in 2 years...so I called my dad to tell him that in 2 years we are all (me, my dad and my brother) going home (to Colorado). We need to be with our family. I am realizing this more and more as I get older, and the longer I am away from them. I hate being states apart from them. Anyway. Hopefully my brother will go to Johnson and Whales University in Denver. My dad will open a Diner and serve really good food. It's a great plan. We will be together with our family. Not loners out here on the east coast!

What in the world?

2005-10-07T13:20:00.000-04:00

What in the world should I write about?

THE END

I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse.

2005-09-23T15:44:00.000-04:00

One of the many loves in my life is Walt Disney. Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Donald, the whole gang...and any of those wonderful animated films...Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, all those movies that leave a little girl waiting for her "Prince Charming" and singing, "Some day my price will come."

These songs and stories warm my heart, all of them from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the first full length animated film made in 1937, all the way through Atlantis, Lelo and Stich, and others.

Walt Disney was an amazing, brilliant man, and it saddens me that I will never meet him. I would love to be able to tell him how much he impacted my life through Disneyland, and all his wonderful friends that early in my life became my closest friends.

I remember riding on a majic carpet and making 3 wishes because I found a majic lamp and a Genie to go with it. I remember running through the plains of Africa with Nala and Simba, while Zazu watched from overhead. I remember swimming through the ocean looking for fun human stuff with Ariel and remember the ground I convered while I helped Marlin look for Nemo, (so what that I was 21...the poor clown fish needed help...Dory...well she suffers from short-term memory loss) It was a doosey going through those Jelly-fish, and oh man...I've never heard a fish speak whale before. The EAC was the BEST...anyway...

I also took a trip to Hawaii where I met Lelo and Stich. Stich was an odd character but very easy to get along with.

I think the fondest memory I have is helping Chip and Dale to annoy Donald Duck...man is he funny when he gets angry.

Goofy and I went skiing and took driving lessons together...(he's not very good at either one, but very fun to watch while he tries)
Mickey and Minnie are some of my closest friends...we go on picinics, ice skating...they took me on their boat (can you believe they still have that old thing?) Pluto is so much fun...he likes to get Mickey's paper every morning. Who ever thought a mouse would have a dog for a pet?
One Christmas Mickey actually cut down Chip and Dales tree, and Pluto found them...I guess he didn't recognize them because he chased them all over the house. They didn't give him much reason not too either.

Anyway, I have many fond memories with this gang. I am sure I will have many more. What memories do you have...we were all friends...

“He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Moroni;

2005-09-17T20:15:00.000-04:00

I am going with a friend tonight to speak with a couple of Mormon missionaries. I am excited, yet nervous and anxious all at the same time. I am going to encounter the past and future at the same time. I am excited to be speaking with Mormons because I would love to just plant my self right in the middle of Salt Lake City, Utah. I am nervous though that I won't remember things, that I'll say the wrong things, or more importantly be so worry about it, that I won't listen to the things they are saying to me.

I do know that this is an amazing opportunity and I know this is going to allow me a little more opportunity to be around them. It has been a long time, but little by little, God is bringing them into my life.

Mormons are great people who live amazing, dedicated lives that I think in many ways put us, (namely me), to shame. I know while I was in SLC with Steven (Elder O'Driscoll) and his family after he returned from his mission, I fell in love with the family life of the Mormons. Their values and morals are amazing. There dedication to God is amazing. Their faith is amazing. I just wish they could see that Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to THE heaven. I wish they understood that God was always God, not some human who had "made his way up the chain" and achieved perfection. He was always perfect, he always has been perfect, he always will be perfect. God does not change. He is omnipotent, omnipresent, all-powerful, all-loving, just, Lord, GOD, Jehovah, I AM, the beginning, the end, Alpha, Omega. What an amazing God we serve. Why should we serve someone who at one time was just like us. Imperfect, selfish, unloving. We know ourselves and our sinful nature, why would we trust someone like us?

Please pray for me as I go...Please pray for the LDS church. They need Jesus. They understand the concept of Christ and his work on the cross, but salvation through Christ is very works based. Does the LDS church believe in eternal security...huh? Something to ponder...

I'll munch on that...

Things that make you laugh harder

2005-09-16T21:40:00.000-04:00

WINNIE-THE-POOH, WINNIE-THE-POOH
WILLIE, NILLIE, SILLY, OL'...DOG?

CAN I PLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEEEEEE?

AQUA DOG!

A LITTLE UNBALANCED ARE WE?

Things that make you laugh!

2005-09-16T17:32:00.000-04:00

CAN I HAVE ONE OF THESE BIG KITTIES?

OR ONE OF THESE?

FRIENDS FOREVER

WE ALL HAVE A BIGGER CAT INSIDE OF US...

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO VENGENCE IS MINE SAYETH THE LORD?

BATDOG!!!!!!!

EVER BEEN TO A RODEO LIKE THIS ONE?

CHRIS ON SUNDAY MORNINGS! :)

BRUCE

hiii-yaaa

On feeling un-cool

2005-09-13T23:47:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel like the ugly duckling. The geek or the nerd who never had any friends? Maybe this one, you consider people your friends who would never consider you a friend.

Aren't we glad that Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I know I am. Many times I feel like the people I described above. However, upon thinking about this I was reminded that the Creator of the Universe loves me! Who cares about the measly little people on this earth! God, my creator, sent his son to die for me! I am loved by the most important person ever!

Where I have failed to find my significance in Jesus Christ, I struggle and feel lonely and incomplete! I strive now to in every situation to find my significance in Him who created and its there that I can never go wrong!