that's what I keep asking myself...

I keep asking myself....when I marry I want the best of the best right? I want who the Lord wants for me, right? As I've prayed about this one or more times in my life, I find it very dear to my heart the past few days. This is not high school anymore! You don't date for the heck of it because you think the opposite sex may actually have something to offer besides cooties. We grow up and relationships develop into something that affects every aspect of your life! All of a sudden, dating has everything to do with paying bills, buying a house, kids. You wake up one morning and say to yourself, "I think I am going to go for a jog." That's a good idea. You don't wake up one morning and say to yourself, "I think I am gonna go get married. It just seems like a good idea." It just doesn't work that way! There are so many things that have to go into that. You have to develop the relationship, and in some cases there may be some baggage carried over from past relationships, not all baggage is bad, but its there.

For the Christian, extra care and caution needs to be taken. Men, rise up, take leadership. Pursue the girl, seek the Lord. Women, be the women God has created us to be! Wait for the Lord to do amazing things. Don't settle! I think it is so easy for us women to get nervous about whether or not we will ever get married, and settle for the very first guy who pays a little attention to us! This is something I struggle with as I wait patiently and seek the Lord for his wisdom and direction. While I should have been doing this already, a situation has come up where its been very important for me to say, "Lord, I need you to hold my heart in your hands. When you are ready to give my heart away, you do it not me." My heart is safe and far more protected when it is in His hands and not my own. Not gonna lie, its HARD to do this! I don't know why, when I know that God loves me, and wants what is best for me and he isn't going to put my heart in the wrong hands. If my heart ends up in the wrong hands its because I took it back at some point and put it there myself. Therefore, if it gets broken, its my fault, not his. What I have the tendancy to do, is to be too guarded and then in a second turn around and wear my heart on my sleeve. I also keep asking myself this: Where is the middle ground?!?!

If life was perfect and I could put it all together, I want an active praying husband. Who will be a leader. He will lead spiritually, he will make every effort to continue to be the man of God that God has created him to be. I would do my best to be the loving supportive wife, praying always for him and that our family would grow spiritually. That when we have kids, that it would be a loving, praying family. Is this the best of the best? This can happen...however belief and patience and a lot of prayer is what makes this possible.

...welcome to the inside of my head...