GRRR

So, why do guys have to be so crazy? I just can't seem to figure it out!!! Maybe it's just me. I don't know. I seem to have been dropped by every good guy friend possible and its driving me crazy. After my last boyfriend broke up with me I went on an all boys are stupid phase, and quickly realized that not ALL Boys were dumb, and began giving each one the benefit of the doubt. Sooo here I am 2 years later and was reminded through a certain situation of those feelings, and how much it stinks, and I feel myself slowly slipping into that train of thought. I don't understand how the heck i keep getting into these positions, but I just keep getting hurt. Not just by guy friends who are getting engaged and not talking to me anymore, but by other guy friends who just don't seem to care? It's super frustrating, and I just can't stand it anymore...PLEASE STOP BEING DUMB!!! LEARN HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS THE RIGHT WAY! Anyway, so my heart gets broken one way or the other by guys, so my solution...(not right...but what I want to do) cut off ALL friendships with the opposite sex. That's right...no further than "hey, how are ya?" I wonder if I could actually keep my heart from getting broken that way...I mean my heart doesn't only break when a guy dumps me, but when I have what I thought to be good guy friends act like I don't exist anymore with out warning.

hey!

SO, many things have happened this week. I am four teeth short of what I had last week, and I have survived a tornado. YIKES! Anyway, all is well. I should be back in L-ville tomorrow. Sorry this is so short. I just wanted to let everyone know that all was well. I will write more later!

Hurt...

So, I left for work today and I was feeling pretty good; and to be quite honest, I was feeling just pretty. So, I got to work, and everyone was complimenting me on how I looked. It felt good to know that people thought I was pretty too. I was also feeling like all this working out, and raquett ball and cutting back, eating right, was really paying off. It made me want to keep it up. I have done a good job, and I felt good. Until...

the next thing I know a co-worker of mine, a woman, asks me if I had ever shopped at a particular store, and I said no, but I wished I had the money to go buy new clothes. She says this and everything in me sunk to the floor and I wish that I never existed. "Oh, everything there is cheap! It cost less than TJMaxx and even better they even have your sizes!! There is a really big section it goes from the women sizes and then there a big section full of your sizes. I accidently found it when I saw this cute shirt, but when I picked it up it was WAYYYY to big for me. You should go check it out!" My sizes? How big does she think I am? But as we talked she repeated this statement a couple more times and after she left I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. I lied to everyone who asked me what was wrong. I didn't want them to know what she said, or even that she said it. I haven't set goals because I didn't want to get to a point where I felt like it just wasn't worth it. I didn't want to feel like what I was doing was all for nothing. Well, apparently I didn't need to. She did it. I feel like everything I have done is for nothing. Just when I think I am getting ahead, and I actually feel pretty, and for the first time I feel thinner, I am reminded of how big I actually am. Who cares that I am on the eliptical machine for 40 min every other day, I play raquettball like a mad woman. It really doesn't matter what I do, I am and forever will be big, and next time I go shopping I guess I will have to make sure they have "my sizes".