Oh my goodness

I am at work...its Sat. therefore I am here from 9 am to 9 pm. It is 8:15 and I think I am gonna go insane!!! I want to go home...or out...or something...I don't care where...ok maybe I somewhat care, but really I just want to be free from my duties...anyway...more later

YUCK!!!

I hate being on crutches! It is sooo stinkin in convenient or however you spell that stupid word! Hahahaha. Anyway...I hurt it again today because the screw fell out of the bottom of one of the crutches and it bent and I didn't fall but I landed wrong on my bad foot to get my balance! Yeah...what in the world. I want to play raquettball for pete sake! Now, I for sure can't play for a while. Anyway. Please pray my foot heals...quickly...so I can exercise again. I really like it and it is fun, and I mostly like playing raquettball! AHHH!

later

Love Hurts

So as you all know, or should know, by now, I have discovered a new love. Raquettball...well...on Tuesday while I was playing I was a little less than attentive and not really in a very good mood...and I was thinking raquettball was giong to cure it...NOPE!!! Wrong!!!!

Raquettball and I got into a little fight...he pushed me on the floor and BAM! my ankle is sprang, and furthermore (Vivian that word was for you...) my ankle looks like a balloon, and I am faced to walk on crutches! What in the world??? Love hurts...now I can't play until at least next Tues, and I am going to DOMINATE! It will be fun...Raquetball and I will reconcile our relationship one of these days...but as I sit here all by myself and can't walk...I will be bitter... Is it a sin to be bitter against a sport? I mean he pushed me first...hahahahaha

Why?

Have you ever done something, or thought something that was just all out dumb? I sure did today! Not only do I realize how dumb I was about it...I actually got mad at myself! It wasn't anything "bad" per se. I just seemed to have misunderstood myself and other people! What was I thinking? This is all I have been asking myself all day! What in the world? Anyway...sorry I can't expound on the situation...I just needed to vent my frustrations with myself! I get on my nerves SOOO stinkin bad! I hate it. Anyway...please pray for me...guidence is necessary...and a change of heart vital!!!

what in the world?

I was reading a blog from a long time ago entitled butterflies...I remember exactly who I was talking about and what I was feeling...why in the world did I say one day I will meet him? I knew exactly who he was...anyway...I guess it was just because I was being overly guarded...I dunno. Anyway...those butterflies, wow...sometimes I wonder about myself...hahahaha.

This one is for Viv...

It is an unfortunate thing that you can't check myspace anymore...anyway...

I had a great day today even though it started with Ancient Near Eastern History at 8:30 in the freakin mornin! However, Ty and Michael are in there so they make it much more pleasant...

Next, I found a new love....Michael and I played racket ball today...I could play racket ball every day of my life if I knew someone that would play. Michael has played 2 times now and I think he is sick of it. Ah well...he's a trooper! He may hang in there a couple more games. If any of you are interested please tell me! I would love to play. I am not very good, but I like to try and mostly to have fun!!!

Anyway...so then I went to work, and here I sit. John Bunyan's Pilgrams progress was putting me to sleep so I had to put it away...It is an unfortunate thing that I am so bored by that book. It seems as if I could learn a lot from it. I think the concept is cool, and I think that if someone read it to me it might be more interesting...any takers? Viv- you said you wanted to read it again...mind starting at page 75?

I have been thinking a lot about life lately and how we just don't know what is going to happen...I was thinking about God and how in the world does he keep everyone's life in order? That is why he is much more than we could ever fathom. Praying about a few things that have been (unusually) on my mind the past week. A lot about loyalty, patience, and trust. One thing I have been asking myself latley is, do I believe God answers prayer? Yes. But the deeper question is, do I believe that God can answer a prayer according to the desires of my heart. I mean obviously those desires would have to coincide with his desires, but I ask myself, what do you believe God for? I think about the things that I desire and then ask myself, do you believe that God can or even would give you those things? I'll leave it there...I have no further thinking on this subject...

I can't wait to talk to Angie on Tuesday. I really want and need to spill over some of these things going on in my head. That for whatever reason I can not communicate. I have tried and failed miserably. I am not sure if its just that I am not communicating it to the right people or even, in particular the right person. There are many things going on in my heart at the moment. Things that normally seem so small and insignificant, have enlarged a great deal and seem to require a lot of my attention. Careful thought. Prayer. Understanding. And above all, the thing I lack the most, patience.

I have seen latley my lack in the area of discernment. I can't tell when to hold back and when to push forward. I can't tell when the Holy Spirit is talking to me and when I am talking to myself. It is a scarey thought actually. I desire to hear and follow the voice of God, but I, for whatever reason, have a hard time either hearing him at the onset, or second guessing myself, and thinking its just me when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. Or it is just me, and I surely don't want to listen to my self with out the instruction of Christ.

I read C.J. mahaney's Cross Centered Life, and in there he talks about how we need to stop listening to ourselves, get our own attention, and start talking to ourselves about the truth's of God and who we are to him. That is what really gets me. Believing in myself from God's view point. I need to start telling myself to see myself as God sees me and strive to be the person He created me to be. I believe this plays into discernment...if I am speaking God truths to myself, then I am speaking from the God breathed, God inspired Word, therefore my discernment has to be from the Holy Spirit Himself. Maybe? Am I close? (See what I mean???)

Well, this is probably the longest blog I have written in a while...so I will retire here...pray for me my dear friends that I will hear the word of the Lord soon...I pray that I will trust in the Lord my God with all my heart more often. That I will lean on my own understanding less often, and in all my ways acknowlege him and not ignore him as he directs my path. Lord grant me wisdom and direction in the way life carries me. Help me to trust you more. Amen.

Hello...

YAY! Valentines Day is over...only 364 more days til I have to face it again...On a lighter note, I hope everyone had a blessed day...I kept busy, went to class, played racket ball with Michael...did homework...went to class again...worked out again...it was a busy day!! :) Hope everyone has a blessed day today and be blessed for the rest of the week...

Can I be bitter for a day?

Can I just say I HATE V-Day? I was just at the grocery store and all these guys were getting roses for their special someone...and here I am THE ONLY GIRL in line buying CARNATIONS for my ROOMATES!!! (Not that I didn't take all the joy in the world in doing it...) I just HATE V-Day! Would I like it if I were dating someone? I don't know...if I were dating someone I don't think I would believe them that they were diong something...I don't think it would be real to me and I don't think that I would take them seriously the first few times!!! (After a while I would probably get used to it, but I think V-Day would be a complete JOKE the first few times)

So tomorrow I will go to class and try to act normal...however the Boyce Bridal College will be INFESTED with cute couples and girls with roses and probably engagement ring AHOY! I will come home tomorrow with NO ROSES...NO RING...and most definitly NO BOYFRIEND...what a sad day! Wednesday will be glorious...I will have 364 days until I have to face this evil holiday again...

So here I sit listening to Christmas music, trying to focus on a holiday that isn't so exclusive...Christmas is for everyone who wants to participate. I'll focus on that for the next 30 hours or so...

Something happened...but what?

So, as many of you know I have been praying about a certain relationship situation, and as I have been praying the more content I have been with settling for God's will and not my own. So as I am thinking about this to myself...

"Hey Dawn!" (God says), what if this is not who I have for you? Will you still be content with my will?

"Well, sure. I mean I will be kinda disappointed, but you know what my future holds and I can only see what's happening now."

"How patient are you willing to be, as I unfold the plan I have for you?"

"Well Lord, you created me, which means you are very well informed of my impatience."

"You really need to work on that."

"I know..." (shamefully)

"But will you be ok with this not being the guy?"

Knowing that no matter what answer I give, God will do what he is going to do, but I know that what God is looking for is "Are you going to be ok with just me."

I think I am on the brink of an answered prayer. I won't put God on a time line, but I said in the beginning that I would see what happens by March, so I'll see...maybe by March God will say yes, no, or wait just a little longer.

Another bump in the road has shown forth it's ugly head, however, it could turn positive. My way of thinking was changed and now I am left to pray about this little bump, and see what its purpose was. It has a purpose, I know it does, but what is it?

Praying with intent...

I am praying with the intentions of God having his will and his way in this situation. I have gone around in circles trying to figure out what to do. I know that the Lord knows the outcome so I am just trusting him to guide me down a road that has an unknown (to me) end. I have been going around in circles with possibilities. Part of me wants to write an email (because to say it in person would be to embarassing and to write a letter would take to long) but write an email and say "Hey,you! Guy I really like! I am trying to plan the rest of my life! Are you in or out? Are you game? Til death do us part? Same nursing home? eh eh? Sounds good huh? Let's do it! By the way...you are at least a little interested in me right?" That would be my impatience speaking out LOUD AND CLEAR! However...that is not how that game is going to be played!!!! However...I would like to know a little bit about where we stand...how do I do that without saying "hey are we on the same page...or are you in the table of contents and I'm stuck back here in the index?" Anyway...again reminding myself that God knows where I am, and God knows where he is and that's all that matters. If we end up on the same page GREAT! If not, well such is the plan of Lord and blessed be his name! He knows what is best. I need to rest in that. I know he loves me and will do what pleases him and I will be satisfied with whatever he brings to pass....Blessed be the name of the Lord, My Savior, Jesus Christ.

Waiting patiently

I think I said that I would say something if, by march, if nothing had been said. It isn't march yet folks...why did I give in? The thing is, I am still contemplating the situation. The guy has no clue, however, if he were to find out it probably wouldn't surprise him.

I am really praying about this situation. It is a little different thatn most situations. It's not your usual see how the guy acts around you type thing. This guy is different. Careful in ways. I've known him for a while now, a little over 2 years, and he's amazing! He loves the Lord, has a heart for what God has called him to do. Everything he says and does has to result in God's glory or no glory! He is awesome! I continue to feel at times, still not good enough. Why? I am not sure. I just feel like he deserves someone great! Someone that amazes him every day, a girl that will blow him away with her smile, prays for him daily, and is willing to go whatever place God may call him to, whether it be here, overseas, where ever. What I am supposed to do now? Wait. Be his friend, encourage him daily or at least weekly, encourage him in his walk with the Lord, pray for him, and pray that what ever God brings about between the two of us would be his will.

Until next time...